Thoughts by Tisha D

How Are You?

2009-01-13T19:14:00.007-06:00

When I ask people this, no matter if it's in passing or not, I really mean it. I try to ask people often, but like everyone else I get caught up in my own "stuff." Lately, I've been caught up in a lot of my own "stuff." I'm sure there are people out there that understand and some that don't. For those friends, true friends, I appreciate that you've recently contacted me to ask me how I am really doing. I especially appreciate those friends that have stood with me through thick and thin. You know who you are and I want you to know that I love you.

I recently talked to a close friend who in the past week decided to let go of something very precious. Something that had taken a lot of time, dedication and money. This friend said something that caught my attention. "No one bothered to ask me if I was happy. No one bothered to ask me how I was really doing." The effect of this friend's decision was that many, many people became frustrated and angry about their decision. Wow. This surprised me b/c if they had just asked, they would've seen that this person wasn't really ok with the way their career was going.

Here's my frustration today. Those people who don't ask. There are people who assume. There are people who are so cowardly that they can only hide. They hide behind their words at times. They hide behind their religion. They hide behind their unconsciousness. They hide behind their "holier than thou" attitude. They hide behind their closed minds. They hide behind their "rightness." They hide behind others. They can only make judgements. They believe they know the whole story. I am so disappointed by these people who are out there in the world. Unfortunately, I know that there will always be people like this out there. Some as neighbors, some family, some so-called friends.

The thing about life is that no one walks in your shoes, our shoes, my shoes. They think their beliefs, ideals, and lives are perfect. I don't. My life has not been perfect. My decisions have never been perfect. My parenting skills aren't perfect. My communication skills aren't perfect. My marriage was not perfect. My career has not been perfect. My childhood wasn't perfect. My life was not perfect. Ever. I have never claimed that nor will I ever claim that. It seems, though, that through many conversations, blogs, e-mails, and in-person conversations so many people get only one side of any story. That's a shame because there are ALWAYS 3 sides to every story. One person's perspective, the other person's perspective and then what really happened. It doesn't matter how people get to a certain point in their lives. No matter where that point is we all need love, support and friendship. If you don't like a certain person or a person's decisions, fine. Move on. Don't tear them down, though, because you don't understand what it's like being in their skin.

All I'm hoping to achieve with this blog is a level of consciousness. Don't be so wrapped up in your own "stuff" and let a friendship, a relationship, or a stranger pass you by w/out asking people how they really are doing. Ask them their side of any story. Ask them if they are happy. Ask them if they're hurting. Ask them if they need anything. Ask them if they have anything going on that might need prayer, guidance, counsel, friendship, or just love. Ask them "How are you?" and MEAN IT.

Presents or Presence?

2008-12-02T08:24:00.005-06:00

32 years ago on Friday, I began my journey called "life." 31 has sort of been a reality check year for me. I'm sure from previous blogs any of my readers could have called that, especially if you read through them carefully. In a perfect world, my whole life would've taken a much different path.

But this is not a perfect world and we do not live perfect lives. We go through many emotions as we grow older: happiness, sadness, disappointment, thankfulness, discovery, anger, relief, excitement, grief, love.........the list goes on and on and usually in a different order for everyone and always more than once.

I feel a noble responsibility to reflect on my life each year that I celebrate a birthday and so this year isn't any different. I think that with the reflection time we are able to learn the lessons we were intended to take with us on our journey and share them with those that we encounter along the way. As I see and live those lessons, I'm humbled by the love that surrounds and encompasses me no matter what is going on and no matter where I am standing.

One lesson I've learned this past year was to be present. To just "be." To breathe. To listen to myself and not drown emotions out with the noise of the world. As I began to do this, I began to see things in a different perspective. I began to clear my mind and see the bigger picture. I began to see things change around me.

As difficult as the past year has been, especially the past few months, I'm thankful for all that it brought me - lessons, friends, love, happiness, thankfulness and acknowledgement. I acknowledge that I'm not perfect, that life isn't perfect, and that not being perfect is OK. I know that deep within my soul now. Perfection doesn't mean happiness or fulfillment.

So, what does this year's birthday reflect for me? Well, instead of presents, all I truly need is PRESENCE. I know I need the presence of those that love me, the presence of those that bring a positive energy into my life, the presence of being and being ok with how NOT perfect each day can be. It is with the NOT-perfectness that brings about all the lessons, love, and laughter. :)

Here's to living 32 not perfect years . . . . .

Life Happens

2008-11-18T08:14:00.004-06:00

As I've always said before, I will blog in the good and blog in the bad. For the most part that is the truth. Though the months have passed and life has "happened," I've finally made it back. :)

I have not blogged since my very last visit back home. As you may recall, I discussed the importance of taking a step back, breathing, and being grounded. Very soon after my visit, I began working on the book I've been writing for several years. As I read back through that writing today, I'm reminded of what I wrote: "I believe that when we are grounded, as we should be, God directs our steps and all that we encounter and experience are meant to be."

In the past 4 month, I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about life, marriage, family, friends, and myself. I've learned a lot about those people in my life that are most important to me and at the same time I've learned a lot about those people that are considered simply acquaintances.

I find it interesting that some people do not keep in touch until something different is going on in your life. Then, as they find out that many drastic changes have been happening, they react as if they were entitled to always know what was going on or they react with confusion and wonder why you wouldn't tell them what was happening while it was happening.

My reflection is that those really close to you have walked with you through those changes, so they never feel that anything is "drastic." Several years ago I learned an important lesson about friends. Friends do NOT leave you standing in your pain. Those that do were not your true friends. Since then, I'm very careful with whom I choose to discuss personal matters. I have been extremely blessed to have a couple of really great, true, loyal, and dedicated friends. It's taken me almost 30 years to find the kind of friendships that I only read or heard about.

With that being said, I've also learned that it sometimes takes 30 years for a person to realize that something isn't right, to realize that giving a good try is good enough, that being complacent or unhappy isn't always the best option for everyone. I've learned that no one, NO ONE, can truly judge another because they have not walked in their shoes.

This is the case with Paul and me. As many of you have noticed, our marriage has ended, our family has changed, our lives have taken a different path. Reactions have been vast. Some are shocked, some are not surprised at all, some are taking sides, some are hopeful, some are saddened, some feel they know what's best for us, some believe they truly know us even though they've never spent more than an hour or two with us and our girls. I do understand that it's people's nature to be curious and ask questions. I'm ok with that. However, I will not go into detail. Those that know us, know our story, know our truth, know what lies ahead. I will not apologize to those that don't. This is a very private matter for us, especially as the girls are involved.

Know this, though, we are ok. The girls, Paul, and myself are all at a point of transition and are doing well, for the most part. We each have the love and support of families and friends and the girls have an abundance of love from so many people in our lives. There have been bumps along the way as would be expected in any situation similar to ours. However, life still goes on. In my experience, as long as we are still alive there are lessons to learn, moments to live and love to give.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2008-07-24T19:33:00.007-05:00

1300 miles

2 States

20 towns

5 great friends

1 divine connection

and....we're back! :) We've been gone for 6 days on a road trip to visit family and friends back home in W. Texas and NM. I took pictures for all you visual people out there, so be looking for those. They'll be up soon.

I call this entry "follow the yellow brick road" because my visit back home was very healing as it always has been. I forget this every year until I actually drive into town. I love driving the long road once I get out of the fast lane of the metroplex. There is nothing like driving for miles and seeing only one car in the midst of the deep blue sky and the wide open road. I could see for miles upon end. As it is a very long drive, I spend most of my time listening to music while the girls watch movies or sleep and this year was no different. What do I listen to you ask? Well, here is a small sample of what is on my iPod playlist:

Harry Connick, Jr

Danny Wood

Shaun Barrowes

Madonna

Blink 182

Poison

Keane

James Taylor

The Police

Regina Spektor

David Crowder Band

Blue October

Secondhand Serenade

R.E.M.

Bowling for Soup

Chris Brown

Nirvana

Tupac and Dr. Dre

Switchfoot

During my time away I experienced many divine moments that were very personal and comforting to me. I was reminded of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Avery watches this movie at least once a week and has been talking about being Dorothy for Halloween for a year. She has it all planned out, and humorously asked me this week if we would paint her a yellow brick road for her to follow during trick or treating. :)

Dorothy follows the road and continues on her search for The Wizard, so that she may return back to KS. What she doesn't realize until the very end is the power to return home is right there within her. It really is simply up to her.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about getting grounded. I have discovered that my visit back home during this week specifically was a divine intervention. It was significant because I spent time in my hometown exactly 20 years after my brother died. Going back home was a part of my getting grounded cleanse.

I found that while I was there among the mountain tops of NM and the starry, cool sky of W. Texas I was finding my own yellow brick road. I was able to focus on the good things in life: friends, family, and nature. It sometimes takes going away from your comfort zone to re-center your soul. I kept a continuous banter going about how unbelievable it was that people in these areas could even survive without Wi-Fi or even a computer in their home. Many didn't even know what Wi-Fi was when I asked! What?!?! You mean families can survive if they don't have a one-to-one computer scenario in their home?

The girls enjoyed time with my parents in NM and spent many hours playing at the parks and taking full advantage of being spoiled. Tuesday afternoon, we headed back to Texas.

The girls love playing with my close friends' kids and so they were so excited to be back in my hometown. We stopped for our usual famous snow cone from the little stand that I have been going to for almost 15 years. Avery got a dreamsicle and I had a fresh lemon squeeze, my all time favorite, that cannot be found anywhere within a 50 mile radius from my home now.

As we stopped at the local Wal-Mart and the local convenience store and drove through town, I noticed how laid back everyone was. I made a note of a specific gentleman that stood for at least a minute to hold the door open for us. I am sure that there are far less people here that would do that. I noticed how everyone waves from their car as you pass them even though they don't know you. I noticed that scorpions were more common that I remembered. I noticed that people pull over to the side if they see you're going faster than them. I noticed that "stickers" are something that I grew up with but something that my girls had no clue about. I noticed the hot days and cool nights. I noticed that these people really know what it means to live instead of living above their means. I noticed that I felt much closer to God when I stopped to breathe in all that surrounded me.

We visited a former classmate of mine and his mom. While we visited Avery was going on again about how she would be Dorothy for Halloween. So, his mom sat at the piano and played "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "We're Off To See The Wizard." It was mesmerizing and magical to watch my girls listen to this song and sing along. It is one of my favorite moments of the year, thus far.

Another moment will stand out in my mind, as well. I was taking the girls to the restroom at the McDonalds/convenience store, I was listening to a new favorite song "Let Him Lead" and I then began herding the girls back to the car after we checked out. As I walked out, I noticed a guy waving at me. I honestly had no idea who it was, so I did that sort of half way and kept walking. Maddie asked "Who was that?" I said "I have no idea." About that time, I heard my name being called and turned around. Who WAS this guy?! He told me his first name and I was still clueless. Then, with his last name I realized that he was the son of a close family friend. The last time I saw him was at my wedding and he was still a KID.

I don't think our running into each other was a coincidence, but I ended up leaving without getting his number. I knew that I'd regret leaving town if I didn't try to contact him again. Ironically, he was just a few years younger than my brother, John, and shared the exact same birth day - June 8. I had memories of them playing together for hours with toy dump trucks and backhoes. 9 years after I lost my brother, he lost his dad in a car accident. We have never discussed either event since.

So, with the simple knowledge of his work place, I sought out to get his number since it was unlisted. I called his place of employment ready to give a long story on why I deserved to have the information, but after simply asking for it, the person on the other end said "Hang on, I'll give you his cell number." In usual W. Texas fashion, everyone knows everyone and so they have no reserve giving out information. ;)

So, after a few text messages I found myself sitting on the front porch with this friend until late at night. We discussed many things including our experiences with our brother and dad. The stories we exchanged were things that both of us had forgotten. The talk was impacting, healing and definitely meant to be. It was exactly what I needed.

As I drove out of town the next morning, I smiled. When you give up all control and let Him lead, he directs your path in ways that you could never imagine.

A World of Her

2008-07-18T00:45:00.004-05:00

Her being me. What *is* going on in my world right now? For the past 2 weeks, I've had insomnia. I don't know what is at the root of my anxiety. I am so tired. More tired than you can imagine getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. I pass my time checking e-mail, surfing the net, listening to music, chatting with new and old friends, and writing.

I can't put my finger on the reason that I cannot close my eyes. I could give you lots of guesses, but I won't go there. Bottom line - the weeks leading up to July 26th are weird for me. Those who have suffered any type of loss may understand; others may not. It's so hard to explain and words are so limiting. As much as I love writing and the benefits of the art, it limits me so much, especially now. (right, John?) Is it a coincidence that my brother's name was John?

Coincidences. When I was a kid I knew I would live a life of greatness. When I was in my teens I knew I would teach. Even my teachers didn't believe it was possible. When I was in my 20's I was sure someone would write a book and I would be in it. Most laughed. When I was 30 I was certain I'd meet my fav musician. Even my own husband doubted it. All of those things happened and then some. I don't believe in coincidences or random meetings. I know without a doubt that every single person that I have contact with was meant to be a part of my path at that exact moment. No accidents. I believe the exchanges are meant to be helpful for both people.

I'm writing a book. It's been on my mind so much the past 2 weeks. I have a new idea for another chapter. I want so much for this book to help others including me, but after 3 years of trying to write here and there I wonder if the book will ever be born.

Tonight I want to cry. Big, giant, wailing tears. I know the reason, but let fear push it all away. I'm always the one to put the big smile on. Always the one to see the positive. Never questioning, but reassuring myself and all around me that everything happens for a reason. This week I still have difficulty with that concept and my heart cries "Why" like raindrops falling from the sky furiously.

The chapter of the book I was in was called "The Power of Letting Go." The song that is playing in my ear right now is "Let Him Lead."

I will.

Arms and Legs

2008-07-16T16:40:00.007-05:00

Today I'm doing all the normal steps when getting ready for a trip: doing laundry, cleaning, packing, making lists. As I do this, I work on continuing to be grounded and grateful. I realize I'm quite thankful for many things, especially the small things like arms and legs (lol!):

1. The ability to stay home with my girls more often than not

2. Dr. Pepper Jelly Belly jellybeans

3. Gas when it was $2.89 (I'm just thankful it's not $4.05 here YET)

4. Accidentally finding baby books, homemade cards, and first curls - so soft

5. Friends that have been there through my chubby preteen phase all the way through my mommy phase

6. Surprise messages from people who I would never guess would write

7. My favorite hats - NOLA and Red Sox

8. The feel of running through the rain - yesterday

9. MK's Mineral Powder and MACs Lip Gloss

10. Compliments from strangers

I've always said gratitude generates greatness and so every so often I try to practice my own advice.

Getting Grounded

2008-07-13T13:53:00.007-05:00

For my teen readers, this is not like when you get "grounded" for being out past curfew. :)

By "grounded" I mean - going deep within, rediscovering the foundation of our lives, re-centering your core.

When I recently went on my "myspace diet" many of my "friends" asked me not to be gone for too long. Though flattered that they enjoy my virtual company, I knew that I needed to disengage myself from the practice of social networking and all the noise of my life.

In my previous post, I shared with you that July is a difficult month for me for many reasons, but mainly b/c this is the month I lost my brother. Certain things happen during this month that I am usually not aware of -

- I push everyone away - even those closest to me

- I find more negative thoughts fill my head

- I avoid any social setting

- I become more angry

- I distance myself from everything and everyone

All of these things I have noticed I do, but usually only after the month is over do I see how my actions have taken over. I'm willing to bet that I've done all of these things since I was 11 as a sort of coping mechanism. This year, though, I have focused much of my time reading and practicing how to be present and conscious. This is the reason that I have stopped most contact via e-mail, myspace, or facebook with everyone I know. It isn't that I don't want to see or talk to you - I just have to revert within to refocus my soul and get myself to a new level of awareness. Even after 20 years, I still deal with the "new normal." I know I'm not alone.

Within the next week, I will continue with my plans to go to NM to visit my parents. Going to see them has always been bittersweet. We've all been through so much during our time together, but it's also comforting to know that in at least one place in the world, I'm still the "kid." Nevertheless, I have to mentally prepare myself before going for a visit b/c as with most of you I'm sure - old scars burn and past feelings arise. I know I'm leaving out a lot of details, but those that know me and my story understand.

I'm also spending time preparing myself for the new challenges that face me in the new world of my job. The politics, the barriers, the teachers, the students, and myself.

So for now, I'm spending a lot of time reading uplifting spiritual writings that heal my heart, watching movies with my all time favorite leading man/singer in them (Hi Harry! maybe he's reading this right now!), and listening to music that heals the soul. Above all else, though, I'm letting my girls heal me in the way that nothing else can - with smiles, giggles and outbursts of love.

Lately music speaks to me in ways that no one ever can. I will leave you now with another song's lyrics that explain my place in this moment:

Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch

"Taking hold, breaking in

The pressures all need to circulate

Mesmerized and taken in

Moving slow so it resonates

It's time to rest, no to sleep away

My thoughts alone try to complicate

I'll do my best, to seek you out

and be myself, not impersonate

I tried so hard no to walk away

And when things don't go my way

I'll still carry on just the same

I've always been strong, but can't make this happen

'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in

The fear of becoming,

I'm so tired of running

I'm going in, so cover me

Your compass will help me turn the page

The laughing stock I'll never be

Because I won't let them take me

Took awhile to see all the love that's around me

Through the highs and lows there's a truth I've known

And it's you"

Your Last Day.....

2008-07-07T17:37:00.005-05:00

Well, I wish I was writing to you from a place of great happiness and joy, but this blog is sort of somber. I have had a very happy and great summer thus far, but this month always trips me up.

In the past month, I've had at least one person a week ask me about being adopted. It makes me wonder if God is urging me to continue on to find out more about my "story." Someone asked me a question that has never been asked of me in 31 years. "Do you hate your birth mother for giving you away?" Wow. I'd never even thought of that before. No. I don't. As a mom myself, I know that that act alone is one of the greatest acts of love. How difficult to give away the tiny life you had with you for 9 months. :(

This month marks the 20 year anniversary of my brother's death. There are so many people around me dealing with the death of a loved one lately. There are a few things I never say: "I know just how you feel." "It'll be fine." "You'll be fine." "It'll get better." and my favorite - the generic "I'll pray for you." Not to discredit those that are truly praying, but it's like people are just afraid to dive into that sea of sorrow with you. After all, their lives pick right back up and become normal. Your life, on the other hand, has to become a new normal. I truly just want to find a way to leave a legacy to my brother and my family - maybe with the writing of my book, maybe with something else. I am determined to continue on the journey of a greater understanding and a way to ease that scar that is still on my heart.

I was visiting an artist's page and found a song called "Your Last Day." Wow. It brought tears to my eyes and gave me a new perspective on life/death and my adoption. I know it was not a coincidence - as is nothing in my life thus far.

Here are the lyrics:

Your Last Day

I’d take you in my arms
I’d hold you close to me, for all the world to see
I’d sit and watch the waves
Say, “I love you more than life, love you more than I can say”

All the time I spent just wasting away
This is how I should have lived; this is how you have to stay

Tell me what you’d do if this were your last day to love
Will you look up high above?
Tell me what you’ll feel if this is your last day to live
But there’s so much more for you, for you to give
This is you last day

I’d kiss you with my heart
Say “be happy for always, and don’t forget to pray”
I’d watch the sunrise
And look deep into your eyes, tell you not to cry

All the time I spent just wasting away
This is how I should have lived; this is how you have to stay

Tell me what you’d do if this were your last day to love
Will you look up high above?
Tell me what you’ll feel if this is your last day to live
But there’s so much more for you, for you to give
This is you last day

You’ve given me more than I wished for
Please forgive me if I ever wanted more
Chorus
Tell me what you’d do if this were your last day to love
Will you look up high above?
Tell me what you’ll feel if this is your last day to live
But there’s so much more for you, for you to give
This is you last day

Please go listen to this song.....Danny Wood is the artist.......

I'm Fat.

2008-06-21T17:17:00.005-05:00

Yep. I am fat. :) No arguments.

For all my blog peeps out there, this is what I've been up to the past 3 weeks. (You didn't really think I've just been a couch potato the whole summer, did you? )

The Girls: Madison has been sick off and on for the past 2 weeks. First a rash, then a tender stomach, then some other stomach issues, some numbness in her arms and legs. We took her to the dr. twice and did extensive blood work once, only for us to know "it's just a virus." At least both mono tests were negative. She's slowly on the mend, but still running a slight fever and tires easily. We had to postpone our NM trip due to her illness, but we're planning on going in the next few months to visit family. Avery is officially potty trained! We have seen V-I-C-T-O-R-Y! :) This is one of the best milestone's in a parent's life!!! ;)

I've started a new workout regimen. I usually run/walk about 25 minutes a day and then come home to do weights and abs for a 60 min total work out. I have discovered a new DVD that guides me through weights and it kicks my butt! I love it because it's fast paced and doesn't mess around. I first discovered Jackie Warner a few years ago on Bravo. Her tv show, Workout, revolves around her gym, her trainers, and her drama. What can I say? It's my guilty little pleasure, and greatly motivating for my own workout plan.

So, I've been doing this type of workout consistently with healthy eating for about 12 weeks. I'd really like to find some sort of supplement besides my energy drink that will help me lose fat, build muscle and pump up my metabolism. If you have any suggestions, please send me the info! I know that my body is slowly reshaping itself, but it's taking a FREAKING long time to get to my goal and the scale is my biggest enemy right now. Yes, I'm still fat compared to my own standards. I know my body, I know it's capabilities and I know that I'm not at my best yet. But I will be.

A few weeks ago, I went back to school for a week (M-F) from 9-3. One of the greatest things about teaching is that I always feel like a student myself. When I graduated I made a goal of being a "lifelong learner" and my new job has allowed me to do just that. My school district sent a few of us to a "Final Cut Pro" Training. We, basically, learned all the ins and outs of the same software that the big movie people use to make tv shows like The Monk, commercials and even movies that you see on the big screen. It was AMAZING to see how they do all those things I, as a movie goer, take for granted. We actually worked with some footage from The Monk and learned some amazing things that I will be able to pass on to my students next year. I crammed my brain with information every night and stayed up until at least 12 am. At the end of the week, we took a certification exam. Unfortunately, I did not pass, but I came within 10 points. I remind myself that 5 days before I sat down to the test that I had never opened this piece of software. I know that I did my best and will have an opportunity to retake it again after 6-9 months of actually using it on a daily basis.

I'm reading/listening to a book called Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. I began watching his program on the Fox Business Channel and wow. He is point blank honest and to the point. His thought is that many people are "financially fat" and have convinced themselves that if they "suck in" they are "okay." His ideas are simple but harder than the Jackie Warner workout! I would go into detail about why I felt the need to do this, but sparing you the details is better for me. ;) I'll just say that Paul and I have discovered just how "fat" we are financially and we've put together a plan to "lose the weight" and "live like no one else so that later we can LIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE!" We don't use credit cards ever - and haven't since around 2003. But there are other things that we do either because we think we "need" it or because it's what "everyone else does." Paul and I have just started with this uphill battle, but I think it will be soooo worth it in the end. A few things we're thinking of doing - Paul getting another job part time to help us start our momentum for the program; signing up for Financial Peace University classes in September.

So, in a nutshell, here is my summer list of must haves - you know I never discover something and not share it with you guys! Some of the things are mentioned above and some are not......

Workout: One on One Training with Jackie Warner

Workout Season 3

Apple - Final Cut Pro 6

iPod Touch

Total Money Makeover - Dave Ramsey

A.C.T. Energy Drink

Black Gold on tru TV - I grew up around this stuff and it makes me miss home more than ever!

Homemade Crayons

Recycle!!!!

La Madeline - Mediterranean Salad! yum-o!

Edamame

I'll be in Austin for the weekend and next week for Apple Leopard Training......I'm sure I'll have something to blog about when I return form the state's top music scene!!!

Have a great week!

Tisha

Big Kids See Police

2008-05-22T19:26:00.016-05:00

I'm sure you're thinking that I'm smokin something with the title of this blog. It's not strong enough whatever it is. I'm t-minus 3 days and counting. Next week at this time I'll be "free." For a few weeks, I'll have some time off with the girls, time for myself and some time to just relax. Yes, a few weeks. Despite popular critics, teachers DO NOT get off as much time as you'd think for the summer. This summer is busier than most: moving to a new school, wrapping up graduation activities (I'm a sr. sponsor), training for my new job, and starting my new job earlier than the other teachers. Throw in a few different classes with exams, a six flags field trip, and the usual emotional attachment I have with my students and you have a recipe for a CRAZED teacher. :) So, watch out - it's a lllloooonnnnngggg blog.......

Some really cool things have happened this past week, though, and as always I thought I'd share them with all of you. :) Not too sure who "you" are, but I know you're out there, as my counter keeps increasing.

"BIG"
I'm of the past MTV generation. I saw The Real World Season 1 and the infamous "Puck" on Season 3. Since the 90's, MTV has, er, changed for lack of a better word. Now the cool shows are My Super Sweet 16 and Rob and Big. I wouldn't know the slightest thing about either of those shows except for the fact that my students talk about them on occasion. It just so happened that a few weeks ago a student talked of the Rob and Big show so long that I came straight home to google it. Apparently, it's a reality show about Rob (a skater) and Big (his big bodyguard). After one viewing I sensed that it was a pretty harmless show compared to the others. I also realized that I was getting OLD! :)
This past week, another teacher and I took approx. 50 kids to Dallas to take a Microsoft Office certification exam. On the way home, we stopped in Allen at Chick-Fil-A for lunch. While I was waiting for my 6 nugget meal, a student, Andrea, came up to me and asked me if I'd seen Rob and Big.
I replied, "Yes, one episode." She said, "He's (Big) sitting over there in the corner!"
"Go talk to him." (me)
"No!" (her)
I confidently respond, "Well, I'll go talk to him!"

Bailey, another student, told me, "He'll KILL you!" I was still pretty confident, though, and realized that it was time for me to show my students what I teach them everyday - "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

So, I told Andrea to find a table so we could scope out the scene. We sat down and I peered over to Big's table. O-M-G. They weren't kidding. He was BIG! So was his sidekick "BamBam." I noticed that he was sitting with about 5 other gentlemen at 3 different tables.

With each nugget, I realized I was getting more and more nervous. What had I done?! Feel the fear and do it anyway might get me really KILLED! But I decided to prevail. I waited for the signal that Big was finished eating and getting ready to leave, then I pranced over to make my appearance. Little did I know that seconds before, Bam Bam had told a few of the other CHS students to "stop staring."

"Hi! I'm T***** D****** from C**** High School and my students are sooo excited that you're here!"

"You're the teacher?" (friend 1)
"Yes" (me)
"Can I take your class?" (friend 1)

*Andrea had to tell me 20 minutes later what his friend actually meant* ;)

"This young lady and I were wondering if we could take a quick picture with you." (me)
"Sure. You're sitting right here (quickly turning the chair around in front of him)." (Big)
"Ok." (what else would I have said? no?!) (me)

So, as we're taking the picture all the students are watching and start laughing. As I turn around to see what Big was doing behind my back, the picture clicked and he was just sitting there. Turns out he thought it would be funny to pretend to kiss me. For the rest of the day all I heard was "Mrs. D! Big was hitting on you!"

"KIDS"
Recently, I wrote a blog about my fascination with the New Kids on the Block. I said that no matter how much of a bigger nerd it made me, I'd get tickets and go to the concert. Tonight, I accessed their website to find out that they will be here in October! :) After almost 20 years of dreaming of going to a concert, I'm hoping to make that dream a reality!!!! Who knows.....I might even run into them somewhere random. :)

"SEE"
Today, I had a conversation with a student that was a divine moment. It wasn't planned on my part, and it was one of the most impacting conversations on my heart. It reminded me exactly WHY I became a teacher in the first place. I began to see again what was really important. I needed that moment exactly as it came. I had not stopped all week. Not really. I've been running around like a mad, crazy woman trying to get everything finished. Afterwards, I was so touched that when I finally sat down and was "still" I began to cry. I left for lunch early, and took a few moments for reflection. What I saw was the same 17 year old girl who wanted to make a difference in the world, if only a small difference; I saw that change happens and even when we think we're ready, we aren't always ready to say "goodbye"; I saw that just one or two humble encounters with students is enough for me to be satisfied with a job well done!

"POLICE"
My husband is the luckiest man in the world. No, not just because he's married to me, but honestly because he is lucky. Since I've known him, he wins all sorts of things and usually finds $$ while walking in parking lots. In the past few years, we've been to 2 professional basketball games with suite tickets. He usually knows some random

obscure fact about sports that no one else can answer. This time, however, he was just plain prepared when opportunity struck.

Tuesday morning on the way to school, I was listening to my usual radio station and heard that they were giving away tickets to a concert. Unfortunately I didn't know the answer to the question, but thought how cool it would be to see this group in concert. A few hours later, Paul called me to tell me that he won tickets to see The Police! He was caller 1! In the DFW area, that's freakin' amazing!!!! :) So, last night we enjoyed an unplanned date night out! He also brought home my newly fixed ring, which looks like a completely new ring. The night was fun, the breeze was just right, and Sting rocked the house!

Stop and Smell the Roses

2008-05-07T21:30:00.007-05:00

It's been quite a long time since I've posted a serious MySpace blog. For the past week, I've been inspired by many things and so I thought I'd share them for those that are interested.

I've heard many things that have stopped me in my tracks. My new quote "When you become comfortable of uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life" is one of those thoughts. We have a difficult time getting out of that "comfort zone" anytime it comes to taking risks in relationships, careers, or life decisions. Once we are "ok" with the not knowing and once we realize that change is constant, great, abundant things begin happening in our lives.

Last night I watched a movie (Things We Lost in the Fire) and it had me sobbing many times throughout. It reiterated the thought I tried to get across in my last blog (Lost). Things are far less important when we have our life, our breath, and each other. It touched a deep wound on my heart and made me rethink what's important.

Yesterday a few of my students began asking about my adoption, my family, my brothers and, finally, the loss of my brother. I ended up sharing with them far more than I'd ever expected. I still cry when I see a particular vehicle on the road. Mainly, because I am revisiting those emotions and acknowledging how long it took me to get to where I am now. It was a long, painful journey. My students reactions were what I expected - "You should write a book!" "You have so much to share!" I've heard it all before. Yes, I've started a book - 2 chapters and a title. If anything it will be something for my girls to remember me by and a great tribute to my brother's short life.

It will be 20 years in July since I saw my brother last. This week his memory seems to be appearing more than normal for whatever reason. I've made a vow once more just as I did 20 years ago: Stop and Smell the Roses. This was the theme at my brother's funeral and just as we all do, I sometimes forget how precious a life I have. Screaming girls, dinner cooking, chores to be done, working-mom guilt, fitting in all the calls to family or friends - this is real life, folks, and if we don't learn to cherish even these moments, the greater ones will pass us by, anyway.

Today, during a visit with a dear, close friend, I caught a picture of my Avery. She was smelling the roses. I don't share this often, but she so much reminds me of my brother, John. Her vivacious personality, her smile, her energy, her mischief.

I hope that many of you will remember to stop and smell the roses, as well. Gratitude is the surest way to infinite happiness.

Bloggity-Blog

2008-05-05T17:16:00.004-05:00

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this blog. I just felt the need to blog. So, here I am.

This morning I experienced a few symptoms that I had before I got off of the medicine I discussed a few weeks ago. I've never been an anxious person, but this morning I realized just how much anxiety my meds caused. It was controllable, but frustrating all the same. I feel bad for people who have to deal with that on a very daily basis. I felt a rush of panic and even the thought of taking the girls to school heightened the intensity. I let myself feel it and worked through it after recognizing it, but it just reiterated the fact to me that the things we put into our bodies alter everything -even 5 weeks post-removal.

I'm still working on my weight-loss journey b/c of the meds. I see pics of myself last year and realize how great I looked even though I didn't feel it. Now I feel much better but have the lasting symtpoms to deal with. I'm working out for 40 min-60 min each morning at 5:30. It's a lot of work and takes so much motivation, but I know soon I'll see many more results. I am down about 10lbs since I first went to the dr. Progress!

Maddie has been working on a science project for school. She had to collect 10 bugs and display them. I didn't realize all the work it took just for a simple project. It has been a LONG time since I've thought about science projects. :) She had a great time finding them and labeling them, though, and Avery was fascinated by them.

Our potty training venture is still in progress. We're doing better, but I don't think our mission will be complete until I'm able to be home 24/7 with the girls again.

This past week was TAKS. My first reaction is "ugh!" But it did allow me the opportunity to spend some time with students I don't normally have and a time to bond over movies and cards with those that I already do see. I learned a new fun game called "ERS" and realized how much I love the movie Transformers this week!

Yesterday we spent the morning/afternoon at church. For the first time in my life, I really and truly enjoy the church I'm attending. I don't know if my reading of A New Earth has helped me tune into a deeper level of my beliefs and spirtuality, but I see so many new things with a different perspective. Jesus is such an amazing teacher!

We had the chance to see the construction crew lift and mount the cross that will go on our new church building. Dr. Jack Graham was there leading "Old Rugged Cross" and the girls were in awe of the giant metal structure being set on the roof. :)

Lost

2008-04-29T16:57:00.003-05:00

I'm sure I'm not alone when I tell you that I've lost many things in my life. The biggest was when I lost my brother. One minute he was there with me, the next he was gone and a new life began forming without him. I had been so identified with my role as the big sister of two brothers that it was painful to figure out who I was without him.

I can think of another time when I lost my senior ring. Wow. My parents paid a lot for me to be able to wear it and I just lost it. I panicked and took hours to go back to parking lots to search. Eventually, a friend and I found it in the grass by my car. However, for those few hours nothing could take my mind off of what I'd lost. I was so identified with the possession of it (or maybe the amount of trouble I'd be in) that I thought of nothing else.

As some of you know, I've finished reading A New Earth and have now moved on to listening to the podcasts while I run in the mornings. At first it was only for 20 minutes, but now I'm up to working out about 45 minutes to an hour each morning at 5:30. I recently took note of this quote, "Do you realize that you will have to let go at some point, perhaps quite soon? How much more time do you need before you will be ready to let go? Will you become less when you let go of it? Has who you are become diminished by the loss? "

This morning I had to ask myself these same questions. My diamond from my engagement ring fell out without my knowledge. A student pointed it out to me and I immediately grew tense. I thought to myself, "How will I ever find that? I've been to the track, 2 schools, a few parking lots and another house all the time getting in and out, in and out. That was just from 5:30-8 am." As I was calling Paul, another student said, "Is this it?" SHE FOUND IT! :)

But then I started thinking that having that ring or not doesn't make me any less married. It is greatly sentimental to me. It doesn't erase my relationship with Paul, though. It is not/was not my identity. I would be able to live w/out it. After all, I am not my things. None of us are, but so many of us believe that our worth is in what we own, what we have. Many people believe that just because some people don't own the best, they are not worthy of conversation, love, or courtesy.

I brought up the above quote for the simple fact that the subject was actually a story about a lady who lost her grandmother's ring. She lost it, but in turn learned that she was not her things. She learned that "Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment."

Three is the Magic Number

2008-04-21T18:25:00.004-05:00

Avery turns 3 on Thursday. I can't believe it was that many years ago that we were in the delivery room, her arrival just a few seconds away. I remember vividly that we were talking about the Mavs in the playoffs, explaining how the name "Avery" wasn't for Avery Johnson and watching the coverage of the pope's inauguration. "We" meaning my doctor and myself. LOL! This pregnancy and delivery was way more "fun" than with Maddie. I was feeling great and ready to see my Avy Faith.
Here are some Avery-isms that have been memorable the past week:

1. There's a thunder monster under my bed! (referring to the thunderstorm)

2. Mama, I so proud of you, baby girl. ( not sure what I did, but she was repeating what I always tell her)

3. Am I gonna have my pahty (party) at the pahk (park)? Can we go in the cah(car)?

4. Chahley's (Charley) a bobcat, mom! (she learned this British accent that she continually uses in sporadic places)

5. Why does the cow go moo, moo, moo? (I don't know.) POPCORN!

6. What's the cow's favorite snack? (I don't know. ) POPCORN!

We've just embarked on the potty training era of our lives once more. Hopefully, it will not be a long drawn out process. Our days are now full of timers, potties in select styles, panties of all sorts, stickers, sticker charts and wipes - lots and lots of wipes. :)

Here's to my crazy, stunning, fun girl, Avery ~ I love you madly, too, sister!

Who's Weight Is This?

2008-04-20T17:24:00.002-05:00

I'm blogging after an extra hard workout today. It's been almost 3 weeks since I've tailored my workout plan, eating, and lifestyle to work around a medication free body. I've been working out a minimum of 6 days a week, began lifting weights and have been doing a specific ab workout daily. I know lifting weights usually adds muscle and I know that it takes some time to shed extra lbs.

I bought a scale today against my better judgment only to find that I'm exactly the same as I was the day I went to the dr. I look in the mirror and down at the scale asking myself the same question over and over.....WHO'S WEIGHT IS THIS?! How can this be my body? How do I sculpt it back to the one I knew a few years ago?
It discourages me, it disgusts me, it motivates me, it WILL come off eventually.
Who's with me in this battle? Anyone willing to be accountability buddies?

My goal is to lose 20 lbs for now. Well, see how that works out for me (pun intended)..........

Who Have You Seen Lately?

2008-04-17T17:55:00.004-05:00

I decided today I would join all those materialistic, star-gazed people who adore celebrities and forget that they, too, are human. :)

I've been thinking of doing a blog like this for some time. It seems to be an everyday thing - celebrity spotting - now that we live in the metroplex. I thought I'd account for you some of the people we've encountered while we've been here. Chances are you know them or have seen them, too!

1. Dirk Nowitzki - today Paul called me while driving home from work to report that he spotted Dirk driving around Frisco in his German-made Mercedes with a license plate that reads: MAVS41. If you know my husband, you know what a big deal this was, even if he was only able to glance at the tall, blonde driver.

2. Deion Sanders - he lives about 5 miles down the road. We pass his multi-million dollar mansion every time we go to the mall or to the health food market. Once we saw them filming him driving down the road. I use to adore Deion in all of his glory with the Dallas Cowboys. That was until I witnessed his unkind reception of young fans. I have students who know students who go to his house, or whose parents visit with him often. Word is that he's pretty much the same now, too. Catch a glimpse of his world in the new Oxygen show "Prime Time Love" which airs on Tuesdays at 9:30 pm. I'm certain one time will be all you need. Am I marketing for him? Nah, I just thought you'd like to see just how big of an ego he really does have even if he is the producer. :)

3. Omar Stoutmire - technically we didn't see him, but his wife and kids at the local park. That was the day Avery said "The Cowboys suck" in response to his wife's comment that he played for the Cowboys. Interestingly, enough his wife, Sheila, is a personal trainer for many including my Sunday School co-worker. She invited me to join them this summer for a full on boot camp. Ouch! My muscles already hurt!

4. Dan Campbell - about a year ago, we were all shopping and wasting time at SuperTarget. The girls were famished (yeah right) and so we stopped at the snack area for some popcorn and a drink. While Paul was standing in line, he realized as only a sports fanatic would that Dan was standing right in front of him with his own kids. Paul peered through people to watch them eat their pizza and then when Dan rose to leave, Paul jetted over to shake his hand. What a gracious man, he was, especially when Paul thought he was Jason Witten. ;)

5. Anthony Lynn - he is a former running back and now assistant coach for the Cleveland Browns. He spent some time on the Dallas Cowboys coaching staff as well. Oddly enough, a few years ago after my parents had moved to NM, we continued hearing about this particular "friend" my mom made. That friend was the mother-in-law of Anthony. His son is a senior this year and is a dynamic football player.

6. Craig James - now a college football commentator for CBS, among other things. He's played football, reported sports, but mainly is a great supporter of his children and their activities. He attends our home church and I was greatly touched by his ability to report games miles across the country and still be at church on Sunday with his family. I've taught 2 of his children and his wife was my substitute when I was out on maternity leave. He's an all around great guy and his family is just as great!

Well, that's about it for now - I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting - like Randy White, who we saw mowing his lawn and Joe Alvazono, who just opened a sports bar in the area (see the sports theme here?). I thought I'd share with you something I found recently on a website for the surrounding area:

You may be lucky enough to see LeAnn Rimes gallivanting around town as she owns a luxury home in Prosper.

To be honest, I don't think I've seen anyone ever gallivanting around any town - ever, but these are way more sightings than I was ever exposed to in that little West Texas town where I grew up. ;)

Space to Grow

2008-04-13T21:22:00.002-05:00

What a week! Since my acceptance of my new job and duties for next year, I've been involved in more meetings than I ever thought possible. It has been a change for me - being around adults more than teens. It's a whole new territory for me.

Our district is actively looking for a new principal and I've been involved in small ways with that, too. The loss of our current principal is one that I take hard as my new video tech program is really his vision that I've agreed to carry out. He's leaving education to go into the ministry. It's a calling for him, just as taking this new position was a "calling" for me. I wish him the best of luck, but his absence will be felt for a while.

One other big change in our lives is actually quite small. We spent the weekend moving the girls into their own rooms. They've shared a room for almost 3 years. There have been hugs, tears, fights, yelling, and love, but the closeness was always there. However, Maddie made the decision to change up the sleeping arrangements. We'd painted out playroom with the thought that eventually she'd take that as her own room. However, for a whole year she resisted b/c she felt it was too far away from mine and Paul's room.

After watching an episode of John and Kate + 8, she looked at me and I knew it was time. So, after 5 hours of moving furniture, cleaning out toys, drawers, and movies - they each had their own space for the first time since we've been a family of 4.

Paul and I decided to leave Avery's toddler bed up until she decided she was ready for the "big girl" bed that Maddie had used since she was 3. We thought by summer she'd be ready, especially with turning 3 and soon to be potty training. When we asked if she'd like to sleep in the big bed, her answer was a solid "no" and we'd accepted that. Time for bed came and she did not hesitate to let us know that she was a big girl now and would be sleeping in the big girl bed.

Funny how nature works. Spring time is my favorite season because of all the newness that comes with it. New beginnings, new adventures, new growth. Once we have a little space to stretch our arms and legs, we are able to grow to heights we'd never expected.

Is Girl Your Favorite Word, Too?

2008-04-05T19:42:00.006-05:00

As embarrassing as it might be, I was a huge NKOTB fan from the time I was in Jr. High until I reached driving age. I had the videos, the CD's, the t-shirt, and all the albums. I could even tell you particular people's favorite kid (for example classmate Connie Rios' fav was Jordan) - mine was Joe McIntyre. I know I drove my parents crazy with all those Teen Beat Magazines that they bought just so I could post all the posters I could find all over my walls.

Reflecting on this is always comical to me. I remember actually thinking that I would marry Joe one day. Ha! You can't say I didn't have faith. :)

Tonight, I happened to turn on the TV at the right moment. I saw a clip of NKOTB on the Today Show discussing their reunion after 20 years. How awkward to see all of the "kids" who are really older than me now (31) all together again. But I will admit that a tinge of excitement hit me and I smiled.

5 minutes later I'd located 3 of my old VHS tapes and popped them in the VCR. For the next hour, the girls and I were singing and dancing the night away. I looked up and Paul was laughing at us without breathing. lol! I never noticed before how many times they have the word "girl" either in the title, in the first few lines, or in the chorus. Madison even pointed it out and said "Mom, are all their songs about girls?"

To quote a fellow Connick/MySpace friend: "If they tour I'm going. I don't care how much BIGGER of a dork this statement makes me."

Here are some of my fav songs (and, yes, I now realize how many ways there are to make fun of them) :

Right Stuff
Hangin' Tough
Please Don't Go Girl
Tonight
Cover Girl
I'll Be Loving You Forever
Didn't I Blow Your Mind?
My Favorite Girl
This One's For the Children
Baby I Believe in You
I Remember When
Where Do I Go From Here
Call It What You Want
Time Is On Our Side

NKOTBFFL signing off.............

I'm Good!

2008-04-05T19:39:00.002-05:00

Just a quick update regarding health -

Wow. It's been 4 days since I started my 2 week detox plan and I feel excellent! I think I've lost about 3 lbs since Wednesday and have had more energy than ever. Today I did the laundry, the dishes, cleaned out 2 closets, and cooked twice! This is a big, big deal. The meds I was on caused my life to be completely different. I just can't believe it took me 18 months to figure out what I was missing!

Lovin' life........

Overweight Tisha vs. Skinny Tisha

2008-04-02T12:00:00.006-05:00

Ha! The title actually cracks me up. I cannot believe I'm really throwing out this topic on my blog. Have I no shame? Yes, but I know that my message/experience might help someone else. Thus, the reason for my blog title today. Buckle up and hang on.......

Life Recap

Skinny Tisha - high school, college, in between pregnancies

Overweight Tisha - pregnancies, post pregnancies, and now

Tisha has Crohn's disease - diagnosed at 11 - flare ups common

I'm not going to lie - My current weight is scary. (no I will not reveal it here) First off, I pride myself in my eating and exercising habits. I shop for only the good stuff to put into my body at places like Sprouts, Whole Foods, and Natural Health Market. I workout at least 4 times a week at 30 minutes each time. I stay away from all sodas and most junk food. I will have the occasional chocolate treat, though. (who doesn't?)

It sounds like since I'm not pregnant and live a semi-healthy life that I should be in tip top shape, right?

Wrong. To no avail I haven't lost a single pound. For the last six months, I've gained a total of 5 lbs/month. I, for the life of me, couldn't figure out why. I was close to beating my head against a brick wall. So, last week it all finally clicked and I had that so-called "Aha" moment. All the weight gain, severe headaches, and my over occurrences of Crohn's flare ups have most likely been caused by a particular medication that I've been taking. (e-mail me if you want to inquire more) That's the only thing it could POSSIBLY be. After a little research, I found that many, many, many others were having the same if not WORSE side effects from this particular drug. This is not good. Many of them were seeing their drs only to be told it was "in their head" and would prescribe them MORE medication for whatever side effects the first medication was causing. Seem a little off to you? Me, too. So, I decided my next step was to rid myself of this medication.

Today I had a visit with the dr. and discussed my concerns. I'm glad to report I'm now officially off the meds. My mind is more at ease now and I can work on finding the body and "Tisha" I once before knew. I know the drs know way more than I do, but for once I'm taking my own health into my own hands and looking for some alternatives to the regular Rx we are usually suggested to take.

Overweight Tisha has noticed a real difference in the way she's treated in public now as opposed to how Skinny Tisha was treated in those same places. I'm sure many of you have been in this exact position. Isn't it sad that weight really has that much to do with judgment and the level of friendliness or help you receive?

Aha! Maybe the reason for obesity ISN'T just that people aren't making good choices with food. Maybe, just possibly these people are like me. Trusting of their physicians knowledge and taking many things that are altering that person's body makeup despite the excellent lifestyle they live.

I don't know about you, but I have only one body and I'm the ONLY advocate for the good stuff that I put in there. I have learned a lot through this experience. I've started a body cleansing regimen and am back on the road to a healthier lifestyle! I hope you are, too! :)

Gratitude Generates Greatness

2008-03-27T12:03:00.005-05:00

Today, I find myself sitting at my dining room table by myself in silence. I'm so thankful for the time to sit with myself and with nothing going on around me. I hear the clock ticking and the birds chirping and the light sound of my fingers touching the keyboard. Later, I found myself at Starbucks (alone) in silence, breathing, listening, breathing, watching, breathing, sitting. I am finally learning the art of being present; being "still," if you will.

I've finished my reading of A New Earth. I am ready to re-read it because each time I pick it up to refer back to a quote or a chapter, I take something new from the reading. This book, in addition to many other books, has helped me to re-shape my life, my thoughts, my attitudes. No matter your religion or beliefs, this book is more than those labels; more than those words. It transcends all of those stereotypes and points to the truth of living and being in the present moment at all times. This, in turn, allows my relationships to prosper, my friendships to prosper, enhances all the contacts that I have with people and allows me to become closer to those that I love. I'm beginning to believe that our attitude, our sense of awareness in turn generates a sense of peace in our lives and with our interactions with other people. Those people will pick up our energy before they will "buy into" our words.

An example of this is my ongoing battle with Avery's eating, potty training, or sleeping habits. When I'm reactive, angry, upset with her when she's screaming, or resisting, she just screams later and more often and resists more. I've learned that when I react to her with that negative energy she returns it back to me 10 fold. I think that we all have found ourselves in this encounter with our children, our family, or maybe our co-workers.

I reflect back to my interview for my new position. They asked me "What makes you different from the other candidates? Why do you stand out?" My answer was encircled around my already mentioned technology experience, but I added that my attitude is one thing that makes me stand out. I've had many things happen in my lifetime and many people would have thrown in the towel and taken the other road. I decided to keep my attitude of gratitude and lift myself higher. Attitude is everything.

When push comes to shove I can usually find something good about a situation. My reading of A New Earth just reinforced that thought process and pushed me to a little higher level as far as my awareness. I'm more aware now of what I say to others, what I ask, what I do, how I go about doing it, what's making me unhappy, what's making my body act crazy. I've become more aware of other things, too. I rethink the things I'm putting into my body and listening to it more than ever. If my gut says that XYZ aren't good for me, then I find another alternative, food, medicine, or method. I didn't always do this and have decided that for the most part I have done XYZ because that is what I was taught, what I watched, or what I believed was the "only way." I simply have been following the "crowd" instead of thinking on my own or trusting my instinct.

So, here I am now, a little more aware, a little more peaceful, and a lot more "still."

Pictures!

2008-03-23T18:30:00.009-05:00

After the Haircut

Happy Easter!

Father-Daughter 2008

YUCK!

Picture Day

Our First Outing Just the 2 of Us (before the haircut)

Elmo 2008

Beauty

Whoa!

2008-03-20T12:36:00.004-05:00

What is going on with me lately? One minute I'm a content HS teacher and the next I'm throwing fear overboard and doing all sorts of crazy things. First a new job, now a new cut.

I cut my hair. Normally, this wouldn't be a very big deal for me. In my younger days, I always was proud of the fact that I was fearless and would try new hairstyles every few months.

As I've gotten into my 30's, I have found that I feel more comfortable and secure with my longer locks. But then yesterday I really started evaluating my reasoning for this and came the the conclusion that I have been hiding behind my hair and the fear of branching out.

So, this morning I took the leap and cut all my hair off. Well, not all of it, but most of it. Eeek! I feel naked and as though my identity has been taken away. :)

Truthfully, I'm not identified by my hair, my looks, my car, my job, my house, or anything else for that matter. Just like everyone, it's easy to fall into those labels and just get attached to them.

I realize, though, that all of those things are just the outer part and a small portion of my true being.

I am so much more than my hair. :)

Rainy Days

2008-03-18T22:39:00.003-05:00

Today brought about silly moods, remembrance of childhood, new memories and a new tile floor!

We are enjoying our break from school this week and I'm making a promise to you all that I will get some new pics up from our Elmo show, the father-daughter dance, and mine and Maddie's fun at the Dollar Store. :)

Yesterday ,the girls and I set out for a trip to the book store and the library. Madison and Avery watched Nancy Drew on DVD the other day and it sparked up conversation of the mystery series of books that I use to read back in "the day." (The Babysitter Club, The Boxcar Children)

We had a nice time looking for the perfect book for her and Avery. Then, we pulled into Wendy's for nuggets and salad and decided to take advantage of the nice day (before the rain) and use the cute little tables at the Frisco library. Fun!

After we found a bag full of books and successfully mastered to self check-out we headed for home and took NAPS! :) This is great excitement for me, because I so rarely get to take advantage of extra time sleeping.

This morning we woke up early to thunderstorms. We were lucky enough to get rain all day. Not so bad, except that the tile work crew showed up at 10 and didn't leave until 7 pm. We couldn't leave and only had a few rooms to hang out in. However, the new tile looks magnificent and we're so glad we had it done, finally. I'm pretty certain the old tile was original with the building of the house and in BAD shape. Tomorrow morning we'll be able to shower and step out onto some nice, cold tile instead of old, torn, linoleum.

When Paul arrived home from work, Madison and I quickly assessed the situation and decided we needed to leave for an outing. We were all getting cranky from being inside in the same room all day. ;) So we jumped in the Jeep with our flip flops and took a trip to the post office! We then decided to branch out and go to the Dollar Store. We spent a good 30 minutes checking out all the fun, new items. One special treasure we found was a candle. "Campbell's Soup Tomato" candle. I took a whiff and then decided I must've thrown up in my mouth a little. YUCK! I took pictures b/c I knew no one would believe that this was something that was actually up for sale. (I'll post later as evidence)

We then moved on to our local grocery store to look for a highlighter/post it pen. No luck. We ended up with Peanuts band-aides instead.

Our last stop was the Shell. We needed to use the bathroom and get some gum before heading home. By this time Madison was way over the top in her giggly mood and I realized I'd succeeded at making a usually boring outing fun. *sigh* We only spent $10, but made a lifelong memory together.

Maddie confirmed this, "Mom, I like the way you think."

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

2008-03-14T17:54:00.003-05:00

Last week, I began working on a "project." An opportunity presented itself for me to apply for a position with my current school district for a newly created position. The position would be for the Elementary Technology Specialist. This person would be available to teach professional development, help teachers implement the newly learned technology in their classes, and attend conferences to learn more about technology and what our schools might need. I wrestled with the decision to apply or not, but after discussing it with Paul and the girls, went ahead and sent in my resume and application letter. The 2nd step in the process was to create an example lesson to present and answer a series of questions during an interview. I put a lot of work and thought into the lesson and have been working on it a lot the past week.

I enjoy teaching so very, very much, but I'm excited about the opportunity to expand my knowledge in the technology field.

I interviewed on Tuesday with my own principal, Mr. Oldham, and the other 4 principals in the district, as well as the technology director and the curriculum director.

Yesterday, Mr. Oldham, came by and offered me the position. I accepted. I will be working at the Elementary 1/2 the time and will still be teaching one class at the new high school next year: a video technology and broadcasting class.

Not teaching full time is bittersweet for me. The students have enriched my life in ways they will never, ever know. This has been a difficult week for me in a sense because they are signing up for 08-09 classes in my English classes. I've already shed some tears, and hugs, but have also shared moments of joy with them, as well. They, too, are my family. :)

It's definitely a win-win for me. I am able to still work with my high school family and mentors, still have contact with students in class, and will be able to expand my technology knowledge and use my CIS degree in a much different way.

I'm incredibly nervous and scared about this new position, but I know that doors open and others close for many reasons that are never immediately known to us. Here's to new challenges and new opportunities!

"Change is the most constant thing about life."

Friends through Good and Bad......

2008-03-10T11:37:00.002-05:00

Without our friends, we would be hard pressed to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow. On the other hand, when we include our friends in the full story of our life—the good, the bad, and the ugly—we build authentic relationships in which we can be who we truly are. When we do this, we invite our friends to bring their whole selves to the relationship as well.

I thought this was especially appropriate for me today, as I have a sick girl at home, am preparing for 2 major projects this week that could determine my next few years and still trying to keep up with home renovations and school lessons.

Thanks again Kim and Jen for being such a great blessing in my life and my family's life during ALL times. Big Love! Here's to you both, as well as all the other people out there who've lent an ear, a hand, and a brain when I was losing mine!

Small Powerful Words of Wisdom

2008-03-05T19:13:00.004-06:00

"Your heart tells you where you need to go."

On the way home from school today, Madison said, "Mom, I thought of something today. Your heart tells you where you need to go."

I thought about it for a second and realized that her thought seemed to align up perfectly with what I'm reading in A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. This book has far outweighed the expectations of Oprah and Tolle. I was one of the people who tuned in Monday night for the first world-wide Internet class and I have to say that being able to hear so many different perspectives was a powerful thing. So many people are gaining more insight about themselves and yet there are others who are not convinced that Tolle's book is in alignment with their beliefs. My experience with the book is that it is a gift to myself and to all the relationships I have in my life. It has helped me better to see my negative qualities in a more constructive light and it has given me an inner motivation that I've never before witnessed in myself.

What I'm learning is that religion and spirituality are not the same thing. We are not our beliefs. We can believe many things that probably will differ from others, but we will never be truly defined by what we believe. For example, people can attend church every time the door is open. That act alone does not make them "spiritual." Many times the people I see/know at church are trying so hard to "act" like a Christian, but mostly their actions and words come across as judgment or superiority. I've attended several churches in my life of several different denominations and I've found this to be true of all of them as institutions. Their beliefs definitely do not align with their actions, thoughts, or words. To clarify, I do not mean that all people give off this energy, but many do.

In order to truly follow your heart, I believe that you have to find your peace. Yours is different than mine and mine different than the next persons. Someone asked me the other day: "How exactly do you find peace? Does it just come to you?"

I think if you continually seek it out, it will be harder to attain. Usually peace comes to you through some difficult time in your life. Here's one interpretation of being at peace: Being at peach with ourselves is not about denying or rejecting any part of ourselves. On the contrary, in order to be at peace we must be willing and able to hold ourselves, in all our complexity, in a full embrace that excludes nothing. This is perhaps the most difficult part for many of us, because we want so much to disown the negative aspects of our humanity.

My thought is that if people would follow their hearts, their souls, their peace, then they would be able to move through life (with life) and appreciate their moments, their relationships, their characteristics, their loved ones, their life, and themselves.

We should all be able to take a day....

2008-03-02T21:32:00.003-06:00

and be overwhelmed and cry and sit in acknowledgment of being mentally tired, right?

Well, today was my day. I have so much on my plate right now and had to take a day to acknowledge that fact, take a step back, breathe, and take one thing at a time. Granted, I found myself sitting in the laundry room, folding towels, but in that moment I accepted my frustration and let myself work through it. I'm not physically tired. I could run 5 miles if I had to. I'm mentally tired. Tired of the constant inner struggle with myself about what is a priority and what should be a priority. Someone close to me says that all I don't have a list of priorities - all of my priorities are #1 and #2-#10 are left blank. Very insightful.

I, honestly, did not know how difficult it would be to be a working mom. My mom, for the most part, was home with me for my entire life. She did work when I was younger, but I don't remember it at all. There are days that I feel as though I'm surrounded by people who aren't having this same struggle. Isn't the feeling of understanding all we want as a human beings when we find ourself in great distress? The feeling of being alone with no one around in our same situation is frustrating. Much of the aloneness comes from within.

Today, I just wanted someone to understand. Paul has a difficult time understanding what I'm saying because he thinks of things in a different way; he probably thinks of things in the typical "guy" way. I feel I have to have my A-game on at all times either as wife/parent or teacher. I feel that when I'm at home, work is pulling me away and when I'm at work, home stuff is pulling me away. There's one day a week that I am able to put school aside and not think about it. The past two Saturdays, though, have been full of things that need to be done so that I will have free time on Sundays. Therefore, it's finally catching up with me.

I know myself well enough to know that February/March are the months when I feel the most spent. This year is no different and with a few more responsibilities on my plate than usual, I'm extra stressed. I can see that in 10 more weekdays I'll be ready for sleeping in and a few pajama days with the girls.

Until then, I will continue to clear my mind in all possible ways, stay focused on one thing at a time, and remember this: I will not be lost in my mind. I will rather root myself in being.

Greater Power

2008-02-21T20:09:00.004-06:00

It seems that stress has overtaken me in some form, possibly subconsciously, because tonight I'm battling a flare up with my Crohn's disease. I was "diagnosed" with this as an eleven year old, but as I get older I wonder if it could possibly be IBS or some other closely related issue. No matter, whenever I have not been eating right, sleeping well, or allowing stress to overtake me, I end up in bed, with pain, barely able to walk and drown myself with lots of water and red tea. I know several others who have more severe cases and so I consider myself very lucky to be able to control my symptoms with diet, exercise and rest.

As this episode has allowed me more time resting, I've made progress with my book A New Earth. Before I discuss the ideas I've read in this book, I'd like to illustrate some of my thoughts from past blogs and a few of the ideas I've read in Tolle's book.

Many people have probably seen this photo. Each time I see this picture, I see myself in the reflection. I know that most times, I see only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my potential, my looks, my reality. However, there is so much more to all of us than just the "tip of the iceberg." We have so much more power within us below the surface and some of us go our whole lives without ever tapping into that part of ourselves.

Here are some things I've been reading and meditating on tonight:

To sin means to live unskillfully, blindly, and thus to suffer or cause suffering.

The more you make your thoughts/beliefs into your identity, the more cut off you are from the spiritual dimension within yourself. Many "religious" people are stuck at this level. Through their "beliefs" they can make themselves "right" and others "wrong" and so religions, to a large extent become divisive rather than unifying forces.

Could heaven possibly not be a location but rather an inner realm of consciousness?

Words, no matter whether they are vocalized and made into sounds or remain unspoken as thoughts, can cast an almost hypnotic spell upon you.

Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be.

The egoic mind allows us to identify ourselves with things: my car, my house, my clothes; instead of realizing that we will have to let go of these things at some point, perhaps soon. Will we become less when we let go of these things? Has who I am become diminished by the loss?

"If someone takes your shirt, let him have your coat as well." Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.

How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.

All of that and I'm not even finished with Chapter 2. . . .

Your Own Way

2008-02-21T16:36:00.003-06:00

I've always set my own goals and taken steps to obtain them no matter what anyone else expected of me or wanted me to do. Being a teacher might not have seemed obtainable to others and might have been a lowered profession for others, but we are not molded by what others think of us or by what they expect us to do. We need to find our own way. I thought today's Daily OM restates this perfectly:

A lack of confidence today could lead you to disregard your aspirations and conform to the whims of others. You also may feel compelled to seek approval from authority figures or loved ones by adhering to their wishes rather than concentrating on your needs. Your efforts could lead to dissatisfaction if what others want from you or for you is not in alignment with what you want for yourself. You will feel happier and more fulfilled today if you can believe in yourself and validate yourself. Try taking pleasure in your own successes by cheering yourself on as if you were a good friend. By affirming your worth, you can take pride in your achievements.

When you are the source of your esteem, you don’t have to spend time worrying about what other people will think. Besides, the need for validation from other people often arises when we forget to validate ourselves. It’s amazing how quickly others begin to reflect our sentiments once we approve of ourselves. We become free once we realize that other people’s opinions have no bearing on what we do—rather, they are the mirror that shows us how we see ourselves. Cultivate self-worth today, and you can craft your life without worrying about pleasing others.

I Must Be Crazy

2008-02-20T20:08:00.002-06:00

For the past month, I've continually seen the ad/announcement/e-mail from Ticketmaster for the show "Elmo Grows Up." Each time I see it, I think how much Avery would LOVE to go, but have just blown it off and moved on.

Tonight, however, I was online and got yet another e-mail from ticketmaster. I decided to log into my account and see how much tickets would cost and when/if we'd be able to go. Within a matter of a few minutes, Paul and I decided to get Avery and I tickets. Paul agreed to take Maddie to a new movie she's been wanting to see that might be a tad bit scary to Avery. (Spiderwick Chronicles)

When Maddie was 2 1/2 we took her to Dora Explorer Live! She had a blast and has talked about her memory of it since. It is a bit early for Avery's birthday, but I'm hoping that she will be able to have the same fond memories of going to a show, too.

Am I crazy? Maybe, but I try to live what I preach - live each day to the fullest, make each day full of memories and learn to take risks and fly by the seat of your pants........

Elmo...here we come!

Life is a Flower

2008-02-19T18:31:00.006-06:00

Wow. It's been a while since I've blogged. Life has been busy and there seems to be less time for me to sit down and put my thoughts on "paper."

Technology:Last week, I had the opportunity to go to an Apple conference called "21st Century Learning" with our superintendent and educators from our other campuses. There's no other word to describe it except a-m-a-z-i-n-g. What you probably remember of your school days has been transcended by one-t0-one learning. Every student (us) was issued a laptop. We proceeded to take them with us to each session we attended. Each session was a simulated classroom where we learned about things like channelization. We were assigned to collaborate with our groups and upload our "research" to our class wiki and then our blog. We then created a script and recorded it as a podcast which was then also uploaded to our wiki. The science session was quite interesting and included a project where we plugged in a "probe" that would then test each water samples we had and give us a reading on how much sodium was in the water. The last device we used was a microscope that hooked up to our laptops. We took extremely close-up pictures of different things from our simulated "river project" and uploaded all the pics and created an iPhoto book with all of our research from the day.

Our district has been researching the "one-to-one" initiative since August. When the new high school opens in August 2008, each computer lab will be filled with Apple instead of PC. Now that I've seen firsthand what this could do for teacher and students, I'm game. It allows our classrooms to be one click away from the rest of the world and allows every student to collaborate with not only their own peers, but students from other countries in other schools. Yes, it is possible to do this without Apple, but from my experience they are the only computer corporation that makes it EASY to access lesson plans, other educators, and a variety of easy-to-use tools for the purpose of teaching. I was so exhausted from a long day of learning that I was in bed by 8:30 that night. Learning is hard work!

Friends: My time with friends this last week has been so refreshing! Since I've lived here I haven't really ever found my niche with friends. Sure, I have friends that I work with; some really great, true, inspirational friends are those that I see each day at work. However, my thoughts have always been that having a few really good friends are much better than lots of acquaintances. Since Madison started kindergarten, she has been greatly blessed with a few really good friends. They enjoy each other's company, giggle at all the same inside jokes, and could spend hours together doing nothing. Through Madison's friends, I've found some really great ladies who have brought new life to my much lacking social life.

Kim - I cannot believe we've known each other for a year and a half. It seems that it should be much longer. She's a great cook, a creative mom, and the most fun person to just hang out with or spend late nights painting. And it's a rare thing, but our husbands get along as well as we do and as well as the kids and we're last minute people, which means we end up together usually at a moments notice. My favorite memory with her was this past Friday when I was privileged enough to spend Shabbat with them. It's fun to have someone to have "inside jokes" with: licking walls, spanking snails, and the ultimate "What was that noise? Oh! Someone hit me with the Wii remote?"

Jen- She inspires me. After many years in the corporate world, she's venturing off and going back to school. Her goal? To teach middle school math. Wow. First off, I'm not great at math. I can do it, but there are still some things I don't get and have accepted that I won't get. Second, I am certified to teach middle school, but notice - I don't. The only way I would agree to it is if they brought back Fear Factor and offered me a million dollars. :) Jen is always on top of it and isn't scared to take a leap of faith/friendship, either, and read books with me. Who else would agree to read The Grapes of Wrath with me without someone forcing them to?

Lisa - We hit it off right away. She is a mom of 3. My hero. :) She's also a great cook who's originally from Chicago. Her Italian family knows how to cook and so my hope is that she'll teach me a thing or two about great Italian dishes. We've only had a few meetings, but she knows just how to make us feel at home. She and the others know what I mean when I say "family drama" and she is familiar with Joel Osteen - which gives me someone to discuss my "iPod runs" with.

Family Dynamic: Who knew that a single dining room table would bring us all much closer together? Paul and I have not bought many pieces of furniture together since we've been married, simply because it was either a gift or a hand-me-down. So, this Saturday after months of saving, looking, and speculating we set out to purchase a new dining room table and chairs. After 3 hours, we were finally sitting down all together with plenty of room and enough room to seat 6 more. We've changed our eating habits from watching TV and eating to actually spending more time in the kitchen than ever. We work here, eat here, play games here, and discuss how life is like a flower here. Ha! Just kidding! Truthfully, though, had I known it would make THAT much of a difference, we'd bought one LONG ago. :)

Books: I'm multi-reading right now. Still working on Freedom Writers, The Grapes of Wrath, and have just began reading A New Earth, Oprah's new book club book. I'm wondering, though, if I should begin reading books on tape. Then, I'd have way more time to contemplate the whole life/flower concept. :)

Life is blooming all around us. Each day that passes we are blooming into the people that we were meant to be, learning who we are, and what we are capable of doing. We should seize each moment because life changes slowly and almost without notice.

Blah, Blah, Blah

2008-02-05T17:45:00.000-06:00

The word "blah"is actually listed at dictionary.com and has the following synonyms: banausic, boring, dim, dreary, humdrum, lifeless, monotone, monotonous, pedestrian, plodding

This has been my feeling since about 9:00 this morning and to follow through with my committment to write about all things in my life - even the not so exciting, I had to blog today.

It wasn't that anything went particularly wrong at all today, but the "blah" cloud seemed to follow me around today, even into the pantry. My husband would say that it's simply because today is Tuesday. It is the "blah" of all the week days because there's nothing really exciting about it - Monday you talk about your weekend, Wednesday is "hump" day, Thursday you're making weekend plans, Friday always rocks, Saturday and Sunday are usually yours to do with what you want. And, so, Tuesday is the "alone" day of the week. Maybe.

I have this problem of always lending a hand to others in my job, even when I know good and well I do not have time to do the extra stuff, because that will just cause me to be extra behind for that day. So, a few favors here and there today put me behind a lot and I ended up missing 1/2 of a class that I really needed to be teaching today and left me feeling flustered for most of the day.

Next, I will just say that I mostly never need any encouragement from outside sources on a job well done. I'm pretty good at using my own inner motivation and positive thinking to keep moving forward. However, it is nice to hear "Good job!" or "Well done! at anytime. So, today I was feeling a bit neglected when someone was being recognized for something that I already do. Why? Is it because I'm already the technology teacher and should already "know" and be moving above and beyond?

Tomorrow is our staff meeting (I call them staff "beatings") bright and early at 7:15. Do you comprehend how difficult it is for a mom of 2 girls to get to a meeting dressed neatly, makeup, hair, and ready to teach 100 kids that day with all her own children at their designated places? Thank goodness for Paul. He always pulls through and takes one for the team on these days. Usually these meetings are nothing more than can be said in a nice memo. And, no, there are no door prizes to obtain.

There was somewhere I REALLY wanted to be tonight, but due to short notice and it being a school night, I simply could not go. I call it a "once in a lifetime" but my realistic friends pointed out that I could always see this person another time or continue contact via e-mail. *Sigh* They are right and I concede.

Now that I'm home I decided to come up with a "blah" dinner. As I was searching for things in our pantry, I found a bag of old sourdough bread that was buried beneath marshmallows and pita chips. Nice. I was successful in getting the green, gooey, watery mess into the garbage before it found the floor.

My "blah" dinner, you ask?

Hamburger meat, browned with onions and garlic with a sprinkle of bread crumbs. Add cooked spaghetti, tomato sauce, more bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, mozzarella cheese, and feta cheese. Bake at 250 until cheese is melted.

I just made it up. Possibly there is a dish out there like it that exists, but I just decided to throw in whatever we had that wasn't green and watery. I know the girls and Paul will be glad that I used my blah-ness in order to produce something edible that is not take out or frozen.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Wednesday!

Going Back To School

2008-02-01T18:47:00.000-06:00

School House Rock! that is....

In case you are not familiar with this 70's and 80's icon, it is a series of 52 educational short films featuring songs that were released between 1973-1986, with a few "newbies" in the early 90's. Baby Boomers and Gen Xers are probably familiar with this fun way of learning. Earlier in the school year, I took a day off to go with Madison's class to see a theatre version of this American classic. It brought back so many fun, exciting memories for me as I reverted back to my childhood days of watching Saturday morning cartoons sprawled out on the floor with a blanket, a pillow and some breakfast.

Last night, I went to YouTube, a place I rarely frequent, because Madison asked me a question about groups of five's. I thought SHR would be a great way to get her to understand what I was saying. It did. Paul and I ended up sitting and watching 6 of the short videos with Madison and Avery. They were mesmerized with the songs and cartoons and were begging me at bedtime to let them watch just one more!

Here is a list of my favorites, including a few of the forgotten greats. Hope you enjoy them again and find some joy in sharing them with a new generation of learners!

Interjections!

Ready or Not Here I Come

Conjunction Junction

I'm Just a Bill

Three is a Magic Number

Figure 8

The Tale of Mr. Morton
(my personal fav)

A Noun Is A Person, Place or Thing

My Hero, Zero

(Had to throw in a free ad for my friend, SQuire Rushnell. Here is SQuire speaking about his first book on FOX News. My personal connection to SHR is SQuire Rushnell. While at ABC as Vice President of Family Programs he fathered the acclaimed Schoolhouse Rock series and ABC After School Specials capturing 75 Emmy Awards. SQuire is also the author of the When God Winks series, including When God Winks on Love, the book in which mine and Paul's story appears. We had the great privilege of meeting SQuire shortly after his second book was released.)

Popsicles are my "Can't Live Without" Item

2008-01-28T07:43:00.000-06:00

Most of you remember back to last year when we had our scariest night with the girls. Well, had it not been for that night we would have no idea what to do in the instance that one of the girls would have another.

Maddie was sick most of the weekend, as many of you know and I was a bit under the weather, as well. I had hoped we'd wake up this morning and all would be well. However, at 3 AM I heard Avery screaming and yelling "mommy." I knew. Her fever spiked again and she had another febrile seizure (National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke). She must have hallucinations with the fever b/c she kept saying "Mommy, the spiders were so big. I thought they were going to get me." "Never let go, Mommy" (when I set her down to go to the bathroom)

Good thing we remember from last year and we got her fever down immediately with cold water, Popsicles, and motrin/tylenol. I know Popsicles in case of a fever is nothing new, however, had it not been for those fun, tasty little pops, it would have taken us much longer to get her fever down and her body to stop shaking. I thanked God over and over for giving Paul the intuition or "fun-factor" in his shopping list that one day. I know I couldn't take another ambulance ride or ER visit right now.

After we finally got her settled at 6 AM this morning, I noticed Maddie still had a fever, too. Flu, I'm guessing, but I can't be sure until our appointment.

Anyway, I'm taking both girls into our pediatrician today for a once over.
Thanks to all of you who checked in on us and sent well wishes.
I'll keep you posted! And remember - pick up Popsicles at the store the next time you're there! ;)

I'm Just Saying....

2008-01-26T10:47:00.000-06:00

This has become my newly overused phrase. I picked it up from a student I have twice a day. He says it ALL the time and now I find myself saying it, as well.

Well, here's what "I'm just saying..." today:

I should feel crappy today for a few reasons.

One, Madison, woke up early this morning feeling sick, couldn't breathe, and running a small fever. I went back to bed b/c I felt bad, too. We were back up at 8. I went running thinking that I might feel a bit better after some fresh air and some time alone. It worked, but I still have a slight headache. Sickness means a few things for us this weekend. We missed dance class, we had to cancel a first time meeting with friend, Tonya, and her girls and we had to cancel a Sunday brunch with our best friends b/c their daughter also has the flu. This bummed us all out more than anything. We so very much enjoy the company of good friends. :(

Two - money. Will there ever be a little more than "enough?" I know God always provides enough of what we need. I know this, I know this. But this month has been difficult because we paid a bit extra in a few places. I would love to go shopping and get some new clothes for myself and not have to worry about the price tag. But Maddie needs new school shoes and it was Paul's birthday. (which was nice, by the way)

Three - Time. I never have enough of it. Every minute of my life seems monopolized by something or someone. Literally. Thursday, I got up, went running, got the girls ready, dropped Avery off early and got to Maddie's dentist appt with 30 seconds to spare. We finished there at 9:30. I stopped for a quick coffee and muffin at the Starbucks drive through and got her to school at 9:50. "Just in time" to be 2 hours late to my English curriculum meeting at our administration building. I'd been there for, oh, maybe 2 minutes and then was called out in the hall to make a few decisions regarding my technology classes. I left there at exactly 3:05 with just enough time to pick Madison and her friend up from school and enough time to pick up Avery early since her sitter requested it that morning. By the time I get home, I'm beat, tired, worn out with nothing left over. However, we did swing by the store, made Paul an ice cream cake and get all his presents wrapped before he walked in the door.
It's like that when I'm at school, too. I rarely get a full conference and am always bringing work home that I only get halfway through before it's time for bed again. I just need an extra hour or so somewhere in the day so that I can breathe deeply!

Now, my runs have been pretty productive lately. I've been downloading an inspirational podcast on my ipod to listen to while exercising. I love it! Today's "talk" was about being thankful for what you have and where you are. Then, this morning I opened my daily inspirational e-mail and read this:

Every step on the path is meaningful, and even one that seems to take us backward is a forward step in the sense that it is what we must do to move to the next level.

So, "I'm just saying," even though I'm bummed about several things today, I'm also thankful for a lot and had to stop (or run rather) to recognize that there is not a whole lot I can do about illness, a few steps I can take regarding money, and many choices I need to change throughout my day for a few extra minutes of solitude and recharging.

What MySpace Has Taught Me....

2008-01-23T16:31:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not, there are a few things actually that have made an impression on me. I've always been pessimistic about any site where so many people get together and compare themselves. Despite all the times that I randomly think I'll just delete mine and cut off all contact with the free world, I keep going back. Here are some reasons why:

1. I have learned more new vocab words in the "mood" list than I would've if I'd never had an account. Just think - did you really know what pugnacious or obsequious meant until you got to Myspace. Probably not, but I'd bet money you would go to dictionary.com to look it up.

2. HTML or any programming. Granted, I knew a little before I started browsing pyzam.com for a new background. But unlike many programmers, I wasn't using all that I knew on a daily basis. Using Myspace allows me to tweak my layout just a tad bit more with that HTML knowledge.

3. I really am more confident than I use to be. wow! Despite many beliefs, I was always self conscious about everything and became my worst critic despite my good qualities. No doubt, I hate comparing lives with others because it just sets us all up for disappointment and the feeling of not having enough or being enough. But I realize now in my 30's, I'm proud of who I am, what I look like and am so very thankful for all that I have and everyone else should be proud, also.

4. I have learned more about people than I ever thought possible with those crazy surveys. I love reading them and finding out what people think about whatever topic comes ups, especially if they're humorous. I have also learned that I hate the Myspace version of an e-mail "fwd" - BEWARE IF U DONT REPOST THIS U WILLL HAVE BAD
LUCK FOR 2 yrs. Or You Don't Love or Believe in God If You Don't Send This On In .2 Seconds. It's the same e-mail just disguised in different form. BEWARE!

5. Music - I have learned to branch out my musical interests since joining this crazy site that all the kids raved about 2 years ago. I learned that I enjoy many more types of music than I'd ever thought or even had been exposed to thus far.

6. Reconnecting with old friends; I never thought I'd enjoy seeing and visiting with old friends from high school or college until I actually did it. I remember finding a few of my high school classmates when I first joined. I was so genuinely happy for them and their beautiful families. Seeing everyone so grown up amazed me. I reconnected with people I have not seen or heard from in 20 years! It's nice to know that despite our regional locale, our occupations, or our past we can still get to know each other in our 30's.

Five Times 5

2008-01-21T17:03:00.000-06:00

I was tagged by my friend Tonya ( hey Tonya!) to do this blog. I have been avoiding it for a while, but finally pulled my big girl panties on (as my friend Kim would say) and put some thought into it!

5 things I want my kids to know

1. Know that the greatest purpose in my life and the thing I'm most thankful for is that I was chosen to be your mom. Even if we get upset at each other or do not agree on something - I love you. I always will. I always have even before I actually met you.

2. I know that my working takes a lot away from you. I struggle each and every day with the fact that I'm a working mom. Teaching is a passion and I am not sure that I could never teach again. But the one thing that always pulls me away from it - is you, each of you. Spending time with you is my pure joy. Seeing you grow and laugh is such a privilege.

3. You are strong. Never let anyone tell you that you aren't. You have a strength within you that is stronger than all of those critical, negative things you'll hear in your life. Stay strong.

4. I have enjoyed every stage of your life. Some have been easier than others, some harder than others. Through it all, though, each year with you has taught me something, made me grateful for more, and given me a new perspective.

5. Thank you for teaching me the value of:
a moment
forgiveness
the joy laughter brings
love
gratitude
asking for help

5 things you want to tell your children when they are grown up

1. Gratitude is the secret to a happy life. People will try to tell you it's money, fame, the right car, the best house, a boy, the right friends. They're wrong. Trust me. Being grateful for all you are and all you have is true happiness.

2. The greatest struggle may yet be your greatest strength. Be a victor not a victim!

3. God gave you instinct. Use it. Don't let it be drowned out by busyness, jobs, laziness, friends, or someone else's advice. Trust what you know and if something doesn't seem just right - it's probably not.

4. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Fear always holds us back. Don't ever let it hold you back from all your dreams and goals.

5. Change is the most constant thing about life. Accept this and you'll live your best life. Welcome the change. When you do this you'll realize all the new opportunities it brings.

5 things you want to tell your children before you die

1. You are sisters. Love each other. Be there for each other. Have fun together. Learn to trust and hold other's trust. You may not always agree with each other, each other's choices, each other's life, but you have each other - don't walk away from that.

2. I have no regrets. My life has been filled with abundance. There were times I forgot the abundance or made mistakes, but the abundance was never gone. I always did what I loved and made the best of whatever came my way. I looked for lessons in everything and walked away each time with a satisfaction of knowing just a bit more than I did before.

3.Being adopted, I never really knew any of my blood family members. From the moment you were conceived, I felt a connection to you like nothing I've ever known before. It's unexplainable to those that don't know. Then, to look into both of your eyes and see your looking up at me - that was pure love and joy.

4. I know that something I've done has/will probably be an issue when you're older. It happens to everyone - we all make mistakes. But remember that there will come a time when you have the ability to see the bigger picture, the ability to work to change, and the ability to forgive. Know that I always did the best I knew how at the time.

5. I will always be part of you. You know this. Butterflies have always been our "sign" and I'm confident that they always will be. You'll feel me in your heart at the exact moment you need to; you'll hear our song at the exact moment you need it. I'll be there.

5 things you want your child to know before she dies

1. You taught me way more than I could have ever possibly taught you. My life began when the two of you become a part of it and you've been teaching me ever since.

2. You were all I ever thought you could be. Smart, beautiful, fun, happy, energetic and loving.

3. Even though I know that feeling of loss and know that healing happens, I cannot even imagine a life, a day, or a minute without you. I'm not sure that there is another joy out there as strong as the two of you.

4. No matter what - dance. So will I.

5. I love you madly.

5 folks I’m tagging for this blog

(I'm still new to the blog world so I only have 3 people I'm tagging!)
1. Larissa at One Day At A Time
2. JenB at Searching for the Gift
3. Chrissy at Cross Family

Tooth Fairy Part Duex

2008-01-21T16:47:00.000-06:00

After getting several comments on my tooth fairy blog, Paul and I started talking about how funny it was when we discovered that our parents were really behind all of the imaginative and fun kids things: easter bunny, Santa, tooth fairy, Christmas elves.

The only thing I really remember discovering was that Santa wasn't real. I was in 5th grade and actually had an inkling of a feeling, but no hard proof. While preparing with my class for our Christmas musical we were all sitting around waiting on our music teacher and began discussing the issue. I, personally, remembered my parents setting their alarm on Christmas eve. That alone should have been my first clue. Who in the world sets their alarm for Christmas morning?! Lol! I realized later it was because they had to get up in the middle of the night to get everything ready.

Paul, though, by far, has the funniest story regarding the tooth fairy. And so to lighten up my usually blogging style, I thought I'd post his story and have you comment your own funny experiences of your own or with your own children!

"I woke up earlier than usual, and I immediately checked underneath my pillow to see what the tooth fairy left me. I was horrified to find my tooth was still there. I laid there for a few minutes wondering how the tooth fairy could have forgotten me and my tooth. Then, someone started to walk into my room. I pretended that I was asleep to see what this person was up to. Was it the tooth fairy? No! It was my Dad. The next thing I knew he was putting his hand underneath my pillow! What! Was he stealing my tooth?! I just knew he was attempting to take what the tooth fairy left me. He was going to be surprised to find my tooth still there. After he left,I checked under my pillow again, and I found three dollars where my tooth was." ~ Paul

So, what's your story? Leave some good ones!

"I've Got A Loose Tooth.....

2008-01-17T16:01:00.001-06:00

A wiggly, jiggly loose tooth hanging by a thread. . . . The tooth fairy took my loose tooth, my wiggly jiggly loose tooth and now I have a quarter and a HOLE IN MY HEAD!"

That's what we've been singing around our house this past week. Madison has lost her 7th tooth to date and will more than likely loose her 8th today or tomorrow. When I was younger I never really knew how competitive kids were with the Tooth Fairy. Some don't believe at all, some get a few coins, others get much more. The first time Madison lost a tooth, we weren't expecting it and it was too late for change for a $5, so guess what? She got $5! When telling this to Harry Connick, Jr last May, he replied, "Girl, when I lost a tooth I only got a few quarters." It's one of my favorite of her childhood stories.

Then last year, Madison and her best friend began comparing notes on what the Tooth Fairy left them. So, on Monday night I was scrambling to figure out what to leave since her friend got a necklace last time. After talking to her friend's mom, I realized there was some miscommunication all around with our Tooth Fairy exchanges. :) I ended up leaving $2, a random sucker I found stuck in my computer bag, and a small journal I've had up in the closet for a few years. Our main problem is that we wait until 10 pm to figure out what to leave; so now we just leave random junk that we've found! (just kidding!)

On a different note, I have something going on currently that has me torn. Without going into much detail, I will just say that of my two passions I have the opportunity of deciding which I would love to do the most. I will probably be writing more about it at a later date, but for now I'm doing some soul searching.

To end, I thought I'd share my word of the week: per·cep·tion /pərˈsɛpʃən/ 1.the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding

If you know me at all, you know that I do not believe in coincidences. I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason and, for me, these coincidences are much like "road signs" in my life. I cannot say why the word "perception" has continually presented itself on a daily basis this week, but I'm definitely on alert until the time comes for me to see it's importance.

It could very well be a reminder for me to always try to perceive things from someone else's point of view and walk away with a different sense of the world around me.

The Pond Route or the Weeds Route?

2008-01-05T11:25:00.000-06:00

How many times have you had THE PLAN for your day, month, year, or life only to watch that plan vanish in an instant? Most likely, everyone. If you haven't, then you cannot be human. :)

Saturday morning I woke up and put on my running shoes, grabbed my mp3 player, my keys and my phone. I drove to a local park in town called "Old C****a Park"....however, it's not that old. In fact the newness of it is apparent when you drive up. Most everything sparkles: the play equipment, the picnic benches and it's been the site of many great community events: balloon festival, softball and baseball games, soccer games and practices. There is even a nice little trail around the entire parameter with a beautiful water fall in the middle. I fancy this place for my running time because it's so calming, so close to nature and, thus, I feel a greater presence around me when I'm there.

So, I started my music up, put on my headphones, locked the door, took in a deep breath of crisp fresh air and shut the door. WAIT! I was now staring at my reflection in the door window and staring back at me were my keys AND my cell phone nestled neatly by the gearshift. Ugh! Paul swears that once a year, every year since we've been together, that I lock my keys in the car. It never fails. He was happy that I got it out of the way - it was January 5th!

I took another deep breathe, found an upbeat song (Dance Floor Anthem - Good Charlotte) and started on my run back home. I was pretty sure I'd be running a good mile or mile and a half, but with good music I was sure all would be fine.

As I started off, I realized that I'd just left a very peaceful park for the greatness of a county road. Several cars passed as I made my way down a lonely street near a school. Instead of beautiful waterfalls, I was now looking at a sea of weeds, trash, mud, water and soon I noticed I'd pass a few cows. As I continued jogging on, I began thinking how much my situation resembled life.

Many times we plan on everything going well, running smoothly, enjoying the newness of it all and then all of a sudden we find ourselves dealing with the weeds, mud, trash and cow manure.

As I finally ended up on my back porch, I felt thankful for the longer run, albeit not as pretty, but I still made it to my destination and maybe even a little stronger for it, too.

Party like a Rockstar

2008-01-04T12:28:00.002-06:00

I highly recommend that everyone take an hour or so each week to throw themselves a little party. The girls and I have spent our last afternoon together at home having a "Dance Party." Our au dourves included chocolate milk and pretzels. Our playlist included songs from Hairspray, Enchanted, Alvin and The Chipmunks, Timbaland, Alicia Keys, Pink, Blues Clues, Sean Kingston, Paul Potts, Backyardigans, and Linkin Park. They love music, microphones (which can be anything even a PEZ dispenser), and dressing up. Here are a few pics of the party we threw ourselves.

Highlights of 2007

2008-01-03T14:28:00.000-06:00

Spring Break trip to Sea World in San Antonio

Reconnecting with many friends from my past

Kindergarten down eleven more to go!

Celebrating a 2nd birthday.

Harry Connick, Jr concert

MEETING Harry Connick, Jr.

Summer off (really off) with my girls

Weekly library visits and storytime with Miss Jo

New friendships (Jen, Kim)

Time with old friends

Staying up til 3 AM with friends playing the Wii

Seeing family twice this year

My 7th year of teaching

Stepping out on a limb and applying for every contest or entry left and right (LOL!)

Involving myself in the kids program at PWBCN

Receiving a letter from the teacher from Freedom Writers. The REAL one...not Hilary Swank.

Being asked to participate in the Oprah Ambassadors program. We'll see what that brings...

Watching my daughter create an ornament dedicated to her friend's brother (fallen soldier) and winning 1st prize and a surprise Webkinz!

Watching me and my family grow.....

On to 2008 and all of it's surprises! I hope you have all the love, happiness and prosperity that you wish!

Feeling Complacent?

2008-01-03T14:09:00.001-06:00

You may or may not know that I attended a Christian university my last 2 years of college. My main motive for going to this particular school was to get into the education program - one that is outstanding in preparing young teachers for the classroom.

Part of the requirements at this university were to go to chapel and to take a certain number of Bible classes. These two mandatory requirements enlightened me in way I never though possible and are two of my favorite memories.

One of the classes I decided to take was Romans. It was a semester long course and I never thought it would end. :) I thought I knew all there could be to know about this book from the Bible when it did, but this past Sunday, I rediscovered that two different teachers can teach you the exact same material and you'll get at least two completely different lessons out of it.

Sunday's lesson was entitled "Steps to Fight Complacency" and I was not prepared for it to capture my full attention.

1. God must be prominent in all things
2. Form appropriate relationships
3. Have a servants attitude
4. Become risk takers
5. Show hospitality
6. Hard work
7. Compassion
8. Discernment

Become Risk Takers - As we get older, we seem to become more set in our ways. I don't think anyone actually makes a decision to be that way, we just become that way through the years in our thinking, our thoughts, our actions, and our words. "Taking risks is something that those generation Y kids do." On the contrary, though, I believe that if we all took a risk once a week/month we would feel younger than before and would be on the way to getting ourselves out of that gutter of circumstance or comfort. Risks do not have to be big; they just have to be something that you wouldn't normally do: like for me going to a movie alone was something I was always afraid to do; now, after going, it is a very therapeutic thing for me to see a movie alone. Me going didn't necessarily change the world, but going helped me to change my perspective of myself and my fears.

Many of these ideas I've seen or heard before. The one that stood out to me the most, on this day, was #6 - Hard Work. I found it ironic that it was listed as we just watched The Ultimate Gift on Saturday night. The first lesson in the movie is "Hard Work" and probably the most rewarding. Once we work hard for something we realize that the real reward is actually doing that particular task: painting a room, keeping a friendship, building a house, or finishing that year of school. Everything takes hard work if you're really trying - maintaining a relationship, working with customers, teaching, relating to an annoying family member, even changing our own habits or thoughts. I have encountered a nameless person who often uses the excuse "I'm still a work in progress" as an excuse for ill-word choices, immature actions, and avoidance of change. After thinking about this for a while, I came up with a new quote to add to my "Tisha's Quotes to Live By": "Being a "work in progress" doesn't mean you settle on who you are. It means that you're actually working on being a first-rate version of yourself."

Happy 2008!

No Regrets

2007-12-30T20:16:00.000-06:00

I have never been one to keep up with my resolutions. They seem so drastic and absolute. Resolutions always seem to make me feel more like an absolute failure.
So, at the beginning of every year I come up with things that I'd like to achieve: not lose weight but get healthy; I always seem to give my goal a positive twist, much like I do everything and everyone else that I encounter.

This year I've decided to share with you a few of the small goals I have given myself for '08. Of course, I have big goals, just like you do: work out 5 times a week; no soda; be an ambassador of something; see HCJ in concert once during the year; complete more of my book; find my birth parents.
Although, I think the small goals we set for ourselves are just as important. They teach us to live a little - to just let go and do things just a bit differently, which is more difficult the older we get.

So, here's my list of things I've either never done or haven't done in quite some time. Hold me to it, you wonderful blog subscribers:

1.To read The Grapes of Wrath (not sure how I missed that one)
2.Update my resume.
3.Make homemade sushi.
4.Go to a movie alone. (done. tonight. PS. I Love You)
5. Write one letter and mail it out once a month. (any electronic device not allowed)
6.Dress up for Halloween.(with a real costume)
7. Watch all of The Godfather movies.
8. Eat alone in a sit-down/waiter(ess) restaurant.
9.Complete one NY Times crossword puzzle.
10. Go an entire week without tv or computer privileges.
11. Play a game of pool with someone besides the computer.
12. Take a random trip somewhere I've never been.

And if you decide to make your own list, please remember to share it with me! :)

Celebrating "Real" Life

2007-12-17T18:21:00.000-06:00

On Thursday, Paul and I will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. I will tell you, first, how incredibly blessed I am to have him in my life. I know, without a doubt, that he will go above and beyond for me and the girls. That alone is such a testament of his love.

However, I will not paint the "perfect" picture with my words. We are what we are. A married couple like many couples out there. We are stressed, always out of money, trying to keep up with busy schedules, frustrated with each other when we don't see eye to eye, tired after long days at work, unmotivated to do chores, and are always trying to find ways to spend more time together without 2 little girls always running around squealing. More often than not, we've forgotten how blissful and romantic a relationship can be.

In church on Sunday, our teacher was teaching on complacency. One of the things he mentioned was how husbands and wives should keep God first and each other 2nd and kids 3rd. It was not the first time I've heard that statement. A telephone interview several years ago with author SQuire Rushnell seemed to relay that same idea. He said, "To have and to hold" means to hold each other up and to keep God in the middle at all times."

As a mom, it is incredibly difficult for me to "put my kids 3rd." But the truth of the matter, is that Paul and I have learned the hard way: if we do not carve out time for us, then we are no good for the girls or each other. Our relationship is what started our family and if we do not invest time to maintain and show each other how important we are to one another, we will crumble. I can, honestly, tell you that there was a time in our lives where we both didn't think we'd make it through. It took a great valley for us to reorganize our priorities.

I think in this day and age many people are always trying to have something better than the person next to them. Are we not on a constant basis judging ourselves? .....we need a better car....a bigger house......more clothes.......a better birthday party......a marriage like "theirs".....

There are even times that we think that all of those things will magically fix our problems or problematic relationships. However, after a few years of diving deep into our relationship and learning about each of our pasts, tendencies, likes, needs, and wants, I've learned that whatever issues I have will always be present no matter who I am with unless I actually take accountability and begin working on those issues head on. The same for Paul and as he and I have discussed - most likely the same for everyone. Nothing material can change your issues. Nothing material will ever love you back. Nothing material can ever bring you as much joy as you can have helping someone else. Nothing material can ever take the place of a person.

So, today I celebrate our real, raw marriage and remember all the things I love about Paul; all the things that I fell in love with and all the new things I've discovered:

He'd rather listen to slow, sad music than fast, crazy music.

He can always make fun of the newscasters/weathermen at the drop of a hat.

He enjoys the first 30 minutes with his girls most after he gets home from work.

His body jerks when he's falling asleep.

He can calm me or the girls with the sweep of one hand.

He'd rather have pie for his birthday than cake.

He hates eggs but loves French toast.

His favorite Christmas movie is It's a Wonderful Life.

He can debate any philosophical issue at 6 am, but has a difficult time talking about anything after 9 pm.

His mood is always based on the Cowboys' win/loss.

He can write poetry in a matter of minutes.

He will never, ever, ever eat any vegetable except tomatoes.

He always buys gum during every visit to the store.

He has many talents, gifts and strengths that he's not even yet began to see in himself.

Happy Anniversary, Paul. We've come a long way since that cold, snowy December night.

love,
your "sassy" girl

Never-ending Love

2007-12-12T21:25:00.000-06:00

I wish I had the words
To heal your broken spirit
I do not
What I have is a feeling
The kind that is unexplainable
And only known by those who've lost
As we have loved and lost
To lay those dreams and hopes to rest
is as painful as saying goodbye

I wish I had the words
To heal your broken heart
I do not
What I have is an outpouring
of Love for you all
A love that is only known by those who've lost
As we have lost and loved
My wish for you is to cherish and honor
And to never forget that love

tisha j. davenport (C) 2007

Choose, Trust, Do

2007-12-12T20:46:00.000-06:00

Well, today has been an odd day for me. First thing this morning as I was driving to work, I continued to hear that little intuitive voice inside tell me "Tisha, take Friday off. You need it or you'll be stressed like always. Tisha, take Friday off. Tisha, take Friday off." My voice of reason and logic, which wins out most of the time said, "No. You need to be at school. You've already missed too much time in the past few weeks."

This time, however, my intuition won. Woot!

I'm taking Friday off and taking a personal day. I always get so stressed during December since we have so many things going on (my birthday, Maddie's birthday, our anniversary, Christmas) and throw in the mix a few other events and travel and I'm spent! We have a full schedule from now until December 29.

We've planned a surprise birthday party for Madison. We've invited 3 of her close friends. We're doing cupcakes and celebration at the mall food court and then taking them all ice skating. She has no idea! I'm so thrilled that we've all kept this secret from her for almost a month. I plan to use Friday to bake and decorate cupcakes, surprise her at school and eat lunch with her (something my schedule never allows) and I will also be catching up on my grading. (*tear*)

So, bottom line: I trusted my intutition. I think we should all do this more often. Listening to our voices within is something that is not heard by accident and shouldn't be pushed aside like yesterday's Britney Spears drama. I'm guilty of this, too, and I'm trying to be more intuitive and less logical and take more time for myself.

Moving on.....

I've been thinking a lot about my blogs and have decided that I only wait and post the "good stuff." I have been guessing that probably most of my "blog audience" must think one of the following: 1. I write for them 2. I have a "perfect" life

Unfortunately, neither of the above options are true. I have started writing more because I decided I would never reach the goal of writing a book unless I practiced the craft.

Secondly, I do not have a "perfect" life. Is there really any such thing? I honestly do not believe there is a "perfect _(insert any word here)__"( e.g. marriage, person, life, job, family). Would you really want me to let you in on all the not-so-perfect stuff? Trust me, there is not-so-perfect stuff. However, at a very young age I watched someone in my life recognize and acknowledge most often the negative side of things and people. At some random moment back then, I chose that for the rest of my life, no matter what was going on, I would always do my best to see the best in everything: in a situation, in another person, in myself.

Is it possible to have a perfect moment? Most definitely. We can all think back to a perfect moment. It seems there is less time for error with a moment. I think we all need to remember those perfect moments because our memory of those perfect moments always makes them more perfect. :)

A Freedom Writers Christmas Surprise

2007-12-10T21:08:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a time in your life when you just knew something was going to happen, but you didn't know how or when?

For me there have been many of those times including but not limited to graduating from college, my first teaching job, getting married, being in a book, meeting HCJ. Now your first thought may be "Yes, Tisha, we already know all this stuff. Move on."

What you don't know is that I believe this quote and live by it each day: "What we think, we become." - Joseph Campbell

I do believe that what we think, say or do will manifest into and become our lives and our legacy. So, each day I try to live life to the fullest, I try to take advantage of all the opportunities available, I try to do my best and leave a postive, lasting impression on everyone I meet or encounter. It's not always easy and there are days when I get frustrated and feel like giving up just like everyone else. There are many things I've tried that have failed, but I always get up and try again - a different way.

One of the things I've tried in the last few months was to enroll in a Freedom Writers Institute session. After watching the movie with Hilary Swank, I was inspired to become a better teacher and learn new techniques and where better to do that than in California? I filled out the paper work, wrote the essays, gathered recommendation letters, and sent my application to Long Beach, CA. Months have passed and I'd actually given up hope. I had the movie Tivo'd and recently deleted it because I was tired of feeling like I wasn't "good enough."

But tonight, on a whim, I decided to go check the mail. Something I do sporadically and should be more disciplined with each day. I found an extra key in our box and came to the premature conclusion that someone had sent Maddie an early birthday present. When I pulled out the envelope, I wasn't prepared for what I saw. I was holding a book The Freedom Writers Diary by Erin Gruwell. I've seen the book many times at Barnes and Noble, but never buy it because I always conclude - "I don't have time."

Inserted neatly into the book by one fold, was a letter:
Dear Tisha........Thank you so much for your interest.... Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that all of our sessions for 2007 are full. Your application will carry over for the 2008 sessions next year. As an appreciation for your support and dedication to the classroom, please find the enclosed personalized copy of The Freedom Writers Diary. Kindest Regards, Erin Gruwell

Inside the front cover: Dear Tisha, Teach one to teach another. Erin Gruwell

I was speechless! I had anticipated that my denied application would cause me to feel sad, depressed, not enough, and I would just stop trying to seek bigger and better things. On the contrary, my reaction was full of thanks, inspiration, and determination. Someone actually took the time (and Erin Gruwell, no less) to write in a book and send it to me. It is a reminder for me to not give up on my dreams, goals, and aspirations no matter my age, my place in life, or what others tell me.

So, you may leave here thinking, "It's just a book." But for me it is a reminder of this: "The only plan you should make in life, is the plan to be surprised." (Dan in Real Life - thanks, Tonya!)

Christmas Lights Up The Season

2007-12-08T23:08:00.000-06:00

My favorite thing about November and December (besides mine and Maddie's birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas) is the feeling I have for those 6-8 weeks. There is something cozy about the glow of the Christmas tree and decor, something soothing about the Christmas music playing in the stores and something friendly about (almost) everyone you meet.

A few of our traditions include peppermint bark candy, chocolate cherry fudge, fried turkey, chinese food on Christmas Eve with A Christmas Story, and always on December 1st Santa's Magic Elves arrive at our house and move around each night getting into mischief (taking the car for a spin, eating snacks, watching movies, playing cards, making snow angels out of the sugar). We started these traditions as a young family, but now that the girls are older they are the ones to remind me of what we're suppose to do and when.

This year we've added a few traditions to our holiday. One of those being loading up in the car, driving to Plano and driving around with what seems like the rest of the Plano/Frisco residents to look at lights. There is a particular housing development where every house has lights displayed. I've heard if they do not have lights, they pay a fine. (see links below for display and official site)

So, as we were driving along, I noticed that with it being in the 70's and 80's all cars were able to drive with their windows rolled down and kids hanging out the windows. Most of the kids were singing or yelling "Merry Christmas." Our girls were no exception. They giggled in delight as we drove slowly down the streets. Avery yelled "Oh my gosh! Is this were we're going?!" Maddie got so excited when she saw pink or purple lights. There were displays of nativity scenes, disney characters, Hanukkah, even trees that were made to look like candy canes. Every adult we passed: walking or driving, had smiles on their faces. People were out on their lawns waving and greeting all the neighborhood visitors.

That's when I realized something. Put an abundance of lights anywhere at anytime of year and people of all ages become kids again with that holiday delight, genuine cheer and heartfelt smiles. The lights seem to light up something in our hearts and spirits; a memory or a feeling.

So, if you haven't already - find a place you can drive or walk and take in the lights of the season. Then, have some hot chocolate or apple cider and cuddle up with those you love for a favorite holiday movie. (ours is Elf!)

Happy Holidays! Love to you all!

Official Website:
http://www.deerfieldplano.org/

WFAA video:
http://www.wfaa.com/video/wfaageneral-index.html?nvid=192368&shu=1

Holidays with Family

2007-12-08T23:07:00.000-06:00

Just thought I'd share this with you. I have had feelings of anxiety while preparing for visits with family this holiday season and while it would be much easier to stay home and just enjoy my own family, the message below seemed to reimpress upon me that all situations are meant to help us become better people and that even with the drama that family sometimes presents us during the holidays, we can remember where we came from and use that to keep ourselves grounded.

Happy Holidays!!

*****************************************************
Built Upon the Past
As the holidays approach, you may be preparing yourself to gather with family members you don't usually spend time visiting. You may even feel that you are choosing to meet more from a sense of obligation than celebration. But when we trust that we are always exactly where we need to be, we know that we have been placed in our families for some higher purpose: to help you learn certain lessons, or to give you the experiences necessary to overcome specific challenges. And when we feel we've moved away from situations that don't resemble us or the life we choose to live, it can seem frustrating to put ourselves back into an old scenario. But even a sense of obligation is a sign that you are still connected to your family, and for that alone it is worth investing yourself into making the most of any gathering.

Once surrounded by people from your past, you may find that you are feeling challenged by a sort of identity crisis. There is likely to be a gap between the person you know yourself to be now and how you are seen by those who knew you before.

Being in situations that we might not choose for ourselves allows us to see ourselves in a new light. The contrast helps us to see our own strengths and weaknesses, and to learn to accept others for theirs.

Part of the magic of family is the way in which it bonds diverse people together, allowing them to function as a complete unit. Who we are today has been built upon our past. If nothing else, rejoining with the family and friends who knew us in our earlier days allows us to recall where we came from so that we can appreciate all that we've been given.

My Peace

2007-11-14T16:57:00.000-06:00

A long time friend recently told me, " I love reading your blogs. Although I don't often comment on them. I do read them." She also added, "You just seem like you have your whole life planned out."

While I am flattered that someone besides me out there in the cyberworld reads my blogs, her comments made me start thinking a lot about our purpose here. Everyone has a "story" and I believe that we all are suppose to learn from each other's stories of struggles and triumphs.

Journal writing is something I started when my little brother died (1988). I was 11 and have done it ever since. It REALLY does help sort out all that emotion that you have after a huge loss or any big emotional rollercoaster. I believe that we are all trying to figure out the same thing: Why am I here? What is my purpose?

Well, first, let me tell you that even though it "looks" like I have it all together and planned, things don't go the way I want them to and just like everyone else I have had my fair share of struggles. The way that I've learned to deal with all the chaos around me is to find a way to find "my peace." I think if everyone could find their very own peace within, then world peace might actually be attainable. You know?

Well, maybe you don't know. I think that everyone has to find their own peace. It is different for all of us. For some, peace is writing or singing or acting. For others, peace within might come from hunting or hobbies or running or interactions with other people. For many, they have to come to terms with that one situation in their life that they let define them and to find peace is to heal those wounds.

A few of the things that I have found help me to have that inner peace that allows me to continue doing all that I do as a mom, wife, teacher, and friend are running, yoga, a quiet lunch alone, reading a chapter a day before bed, having a cup of hot chocolate or a glass of wine while making dinner, cranking up the radio and dancing around with the girls to silly dance music, sharing a dessert with Paul in hiding from the girls, listening to Christmas music early, doing something for someone unexpectedly, smiling for no reason, surrounding myself with people who have a positive energy that rubs off onto me.

In the busyness of our world today, it seems most difficult to find even a few minutes of peace and quiet, especially if you work long hours, have a family or young children, or just put everyone else before yourself. With the holidays approaching, we all seem to find ourselves busier and more rushed than ever. Truly, though, isn't the spirit of the holidays to deeply enjoy those definite moment of happiness; not the presents, food, or events - but the people that we share all of those things with.

So, my advice for some of you is to write, act, read, hunt, have dinner on the good china, have a cup of homemade hot chocolate, try something new, call that old friend, write a letter for someone special and save it for a special occasion, do something that you did as a kid, start a new tradition, sit in silence by yourself and just breathe - As often as possible, whenever possible, and as much as possible.

Letting Go of Understanding

2007-11-13T16:24:00.000-06:00

I sign up for these little daily readings and the one below seemed to be just for me. Actually, I'm certain that you'll probably be able to relate in some way, also.

"All of us who seek to be conscious and aware regard our experiences as teachers, and we try to discern what lessons we are learning from the things that happen in our lives. Sometimes the lesson is very clear from the get-go, and other times we have to really search to understand the deeper meaning behind some event. While this search often yields results, there also comes a point in the search where what we really need to do is move forward. It is possible that we are not meant to know the deeper meaning of certain occurrences. Answers may come later in our lives, or they may come as a result of letting go, or they may never come. Sometimes we are just playing a necessary part in a process with a result larger than we can understand. It may have very little to do with us personally, and while that can be hard to understand, it can also free us from overthinking the matter."

Wow. There are several things/people in my life that I need to "let go" of and stop trying to "understand." I believe that as human beings, we often have such a curiousity to just know and understand as if we were entitled. Oftentimes, however, the situation isn't really for us to understand: sickness, illness, tragedy, death, loss, difficult relationships. If we were told "why" would we really be able to wrap our minds around it all or is it all too big for us to even fathom? I, personally, believe the latter and have decided to continue to work on the "let go" phase of my life.

A Nightmare before Halloween

2007-10-19T21:21:00.001-05:00

I ask you this question: Is there anyone in your life that you have difficulty dealing with?

I have a particular person that I must see on a very regular basis that gets under my skin like no other. Here are the issues I have difficulty dealing with and some of the things I would like to say to this person:

1. Everything-revolves-around-"me" Syndrome. Seriously, does it? Just because someone is doing something in their lives that doesn't correspond with your thinking or viewpoints, doesn't mean they're "bad" and if it doesn't directly relate to you - how can you have a problem with it? If I do or say something that isn't exactly what you want to hear, then just move on.

2. Gossip is Overrated! I never once in my 31 years of living have encountered one instance where gossip made someone's life better. You don't have to have a piece of everything that is going on. Who cares if so-and-so is dating that person? Why is it your business if that family goes on vacation or not? Do you really have nothing better to do that to talk about everyone else? Deal with your own life for a change and leave other's to live without your input - especially if you do not even know them!

3. No matter what - life is bad. Really?! Well, you're breathing, aren't you? It cannot be all that bad. In addition, you have a nice home, car, and a great family. How can you sleepwalk through your life and not see that your passing by the greatest gifts ever given to you? Who cares if you have to work extra, be out late, or don't get something when you first expected it - be appreciative that you're even getting the chance to do that one thing.

4. I'm a Christian, but..... You should NEVER start a sentence with this. I'm just saying....... Your family isn't perfect. No family is perfect. Please stop acting so high and mighty and looking at others as if they are on a lower scale than you. Judgement does not make you better. And starting any sentence with this quote while talking to anyone actually makes you look more like an idiot.

5. I know you're ________. You don't know ***** about me! You don't even take the time to ask about anything that is going on in my life because you're so busy talking about your "misery" or your slighted opinions of other people's lives. Please stop telling me I'm _______. If you continue, I will continue to tell you "On the contrary, I am _____." :)

Note to my readers: Thanks for reading this. It isn't meant for any of you. I just needed a chance to vent and get my feelings typed out, so that I could move on. Having these feelings the past few weeks has weighed me down on so many levels. It's not that I wouldn't say these things to this person, but for now, saying them will get me in a big ball of inconvenience. Will I tell this person someday when the opportunity arises? Probably. :)

Mourning and Never-ending Remembrance

2007-10-03T18:59:00.000-05:00

While reading To Kill A Mockingbird this week with my sophomore advanced English classes, a certain quote stood out to me. "Children are children, but they can spot an evasion quicker than adults, and an evasion simply muddles them." - Atticus Finch

I'm very certain that this hold true in most every case. So, when I came home today after a rough day at work, I was not surprised byAvery's extra hugs. I tried to hide my emotion and just enjoy her company, but she sensed the inevitable - mom is sad.

It does not matter how many times I go through it, how many people it affects, how well prepared you think you are or how it happened. The pain is the same. It is what it is everytime. Pain is pain is pain. It does not matter how old you are or how much wiser you believe you are - death is still a very difficult, raw emotion to wrap your brain and heart around. The absence of a loved-one and, moreso, of a precious child, especially that of a vibrant student is a hard thing to swallow.

After a very emotional day at school, I realize that no matter what I say or what I do, I cannot take a person's pain away. I should know this from first-hand experience. Yet, the depths of my soul always urge me to do something to "help," even if it's just a hug or a prayer. The truth is that this day has been very difficult and I continue to struggle every minute with why. However, Kelsey was such a strong example to her peers, as well as to her teachers. She touched everyone's life without knowing the fullness of her touch. Her faith was strong and I know that her spirit is now able to be with all of those that loved her so very much.Here is a link to hear Kelsey's beautiful voice: http://www.purevolume.com/unanimouslove

Later on in the evening, here's what Avery said to me as we headed out the door to the park: "Don't let go of me, mom. Hold me tight." What an angel! This brought tears to my eyes and caused me to clench her tighter. She squealed in delight! Take time to give someone you love a big hug and when they pull away, if you feel the urge, tell them not to let go or to hold on a little tighter. You never know if that hug might be your very last with that special person. Those hugs may leave a lasting legacy.

What is Motivation?

2007-09-27T17:52:00.000-05:00

Wikipedia.com says that "motivation" is a reason or a set of reasons for engaging in a behavior. A few months ago my name was in a drawing to win tickets to a seminar called "Get Motivated!" Unfortunately, I did not win, but I was motivated to figure out a way to get to this seminar. I just had a feeling that I had to be there. So, I set out to see if my principal would consider taking a group of teachers to this seminar. Paul, once again, doubted the possibility of this, but I was determined. My principal surprisingly agreed! :)

So, yesterday at 6:30 AM five of us set out to get to the American Airlines Center for the Get Motivated seminar. Unsure of what to expect, we ended up with great seats, and were blown away by all of the speakers that stood before us:
Zig Ziglar, Gen. Colin Powell, Avery Johnson, Goldie Hawn, Tony Romo, Brian Tracy, Terry Fator (America's Got Talent), Steve Forbes and Phil Town, Keith Craft.

Some of these people were "once-in-a-lifetime" people. Gen. Colin Powell was the most articulate, motivating speaker I've ever heard. Terry Fator was incredibly talented and surpassed my initial expectation of him by far. I thought I would share some of what I learned yesterday with you here. Take what you will and apply it to your own daily life.

1. When investing in stocks - number one rule is don't lose money.
2. Don't be afraid to invest and know that you have the advantages over the stock brokers. You can buy/sell in seconds. It takes them weeks.
3. Think outside the box.
4. Do it a new way.
5. Break the mold.
6. The message you send is not always the message received.
7. Change is a given, growth is a choice.
8. Be a leader by passion and inspiration. You'll know you're a good leader if troops follow you out of curiosity.
9. Where are you going in your life? Vote yourself off of Someday Isle (Someday I"ll write that book, someday I'll paint that room).
10. Just as you eat healthy food for your body, you must also feed your mind and spirit with healthy positive statements. "I am important."
11. How important you feel you are determines everything in your life.
12. If you do what other successful people do and do it over and over and over, you'll eventually get the same result.
13.Align yourself with the following people: those who believe in you, those who challenge you to be better, those who share your values.
14. Create a wall or poster of gratitude. (include people that are responsible for making you strive to be better)
15. Elevate your thinking. Decide what you want. Don't worry about the details. Visualize it happening.
16. Make a victory list that reminds you of the things that made you the most confident.
17.Think---->Be------>Do----->Think---->Be------>Do----->Think---->Be------>Do-----> 18. Don't let fear motivate your life.

Originally published on September 26, 2007

Cowboys Anyone?

2007-09-27T17:51:00.002-05:00

Most everyone who knows our family knows what an avid Cowboys fan Paul has always been. He tries to convince the girls to watch games with him every year, bribes them with candy, money, etc. They never can sit for an entire minute. :) You may also know that I continually give Paul a hard time about his love of the Cowboys. It's not that I don't like them at all - it's just that it's way too easy to get Paul upset over my unfanlike comments. One day I accidentally let it slip that the Cowboys "suck." I truly thought Avery's attention was diverted by the TV or the music, but to no avail she'd heard that phrase and has been known to shout it out when she sees the Cowboy uniform, the star logo or even during a commercial at the movie theatre. (talk about embarrasing!)

So, here's the scene. Yesterday, I decided to take the girls to the park so that they could run, scream and play. In turn, I was able to sit for a full hour w/out anyone asking me to be at their beck and call. Great trade off, if you ask me. A few families were there and then left. Then, a new family arrived. A woman, a girl and a boy. Avery was very friendly and wanted to befriend them right away. Madison was more hesitant. I immediately knew that there was something "special" about them. Instinct, I guess. So, we make small talk:

"Do you live here?"
"No."
"How long have you been in the area?"
"3 years"
"Where did you live before?"
"CA"
"What in the WORLD brought you to this place?"
"lol--my husband plays football."

I knew it! I so knew it! After living here for 7 years and meeting random semi-famous people, I'm always on gaurd for that type of random meeting. Deion Sanders lives a few miles away from here, Randy White lives here in Celina, this spring we ran into Dan Campbell at the local Super Target. (See the Cowboy pattern, here?)

Turns out, that the lady at the park was married to Omar Stoutmire. So we continue talking and she reminds me that he played for the Cowboys about 10 years ago. I state how I remember that and then Avery turns, looks at me, and shouts at the top of her lungs: THE COWBOYS SUCK!

Good thing Omar Stoutmire plays for the Washington Redskins now, right?

Shine On!

2007-09-27T17:51:00.001-05:00

Madison had a dance recital this past June and the title of their song was Shine On. . . Although I didn't realize it then, I think back now how that song has such a great message for all of us. A message that Paul and I have been discussing for a few months now. No matter where we came from, what we've done, what people think they know of us or about us, we ALL have the ability to shine. Here are some things I've rediscovered or asked myself over the course of my life.Writing it down and seeing it in print helps it to resonate in my mind once more....

1. Be always conscious of the company you keep and in all ways.
2. That moment of greatest darkness may yet become your grandest gift.
3. Truth is often uncomfortable for those who wish to ignore it, but for those who seek it are not only comforted, but inspired.
4. Grief, Anger, Envy, Fear, and Love are all natural emotions. It's when people tell and teach you to repress them that they become problematic. (depression, rage, jealousy, panic, possessiveness)
5. What do you choose? If you choose to be happy, cause another to be happy. If you choose to be prosperous, cause another to prosper. If you choose more love in your life, cause another to have more love in theirs.
6. Experience is all knowing rather than all knowing is experience.
7. Is it possible for religion to take out the spirituality in a person?
8. What you resist persists.
9. Be a gift to everyone who enters your life, and to everyone whose life you enter.
10. It is not for you to judge the journey of another's soul. It is for you to decide who YOU are, not who another has been or has failed to be.
--originally posted on August 1, 2007

Music and Memories

2007-09-27T17:50:00.001-05:00

"Music at its essence is what gives us memories. "<-- Stevie Wonder

If you've ever switched on the radio or been watching TV when that one song comes on that makes you jump out of your seat, you'll understand why I took the time to create this blog. "Do you remember this song?" Usually, whoever is sitting with you looks at you like you're crazy unless that same songs brings about a certain memory for them, as well. So, here are my 50 songs in no particular order. Each one has a certain memory of a certain time in my life and possibly a memory of a special person, also. Each one was chosen with meaning and purpose. Each one got me through a particular time in my life. Each one causes me to jump out of my seat, smile and express gratitude for that song being a part of me. I willingly will tell why I chose any song, if you are curious enough to ask. Memories….in the corner of my mind……

1. Holly Dunn - Daddy's Hands
2. Dan Seals - One Friend
3. Ricky Skaggs - Honey Open that Door
4. Jim Reeves - I Love You Because
5. Charlie Pride - Roll On Mississippi
6. Chris Ledeux - Look At You girl
7. Ray Charles - 7 Spanish Angels
8. Red Sovine -Teddy Bear
9. George Strait - Baby Blue
10. Rusted Root - On My Way
11. Dolly Parton - Coat of Many Colors
12. Keith Whitley - Don't Close Your Eyes
13. Debbie Gibson - Lost In Your Eyes
14. Tiffany - I Saw Him Standing There<
15. NKOTB - Please Don't Go Girl
16. Marky Mark - Good Vibrations
17. John Anderson - Seminole Wind
18. He - instrumental version
19. Bad English - Just to See You Smile
20. Earl Thomas Conley - What I'd Say
21. Harry Connick, Jr - A Nightengale Sang in Berkley Square
22. B.J. Thomas - What's Forever For
23. Cranberries - Linger
24. Clay Walker - Hypnotize the Moon
25. Pirates of the Mississippi - Fighting for You
26. Alicia Keys - No One
27. Bryan Adams -When You Love Someone
28. Michael W. Smith/Jim Brickman - Love of My Life
29. REM - At My Most Beautiful
30. Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance
31. Tim McGraw - Just to See You Smile
32. Van Morrison - Into the Mystic
33. Ernest Tubb- The Wings of a Dove
34. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Fishin' in the Dark
35. Eddie Rabbitt - I Love A Rainy Night
36. Willie Nelson - Always on My Mind
37. Billy Joel - And So It Goes
38. Reba McIntyre - Whoever's in New England
39. Lorri Morgan - Something in Red
40. Sarah McLaclan - I Will Remember You
41. Thousand Foot Krutch - Breath You In
42. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over the Rainbow
43. Kate Bush - This Woman's Work
44. Audio Adrenaline - Goodbye
45. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
46. Michael W. Smith - Place in this World
47. Kelly Clarkson - Because of You
48. Switchfoot - I Dare You To Move
49. David Crowder Band - No One Like You
50. Only Grace - Matthew West
--originally posted on July 15, 2007

Today's Thoughts

2007-09-27T17:49:00.002-05:00

1. Thought is pure energy. Every thought you have, have ever had, and ever will have is creative. The energy of your thought never ever dies. Ever. It leaves your being and heads out into the universe, extending forever. A thought is forever.
2. There are no coincidences in the universe.
3. But watch. Listen. The words to the next song you hear. The information in the next article you read. The story line of the next movie you watch. The chance utterance of the next person you meet. Or the whisper of the next river, the next ocean, the next breeze that caresses your ear— I will speak to you if you will listen.
4. You are therefore in the process of experiencing yourself by creating yourself anew in every single moment. Life is a creation, not a discovery.
5. The most difficult thing for people to do is hear their own soul.
6. You cannot resist something to which you grant no reality. The act of resisting a thing is the act of granting it life. When you resist an energy, you place it there. The more you resist, the more you make it real—whatever it is you are resisting.
7.The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up," not what part of another you can capture and hold.
8. I have always been there - in all ways.
9. Try not to confuse longevity with a job well done.
10. Know and understand that there will be challenges and difficult times. Don't try to avoid them. Welcome them. Gratefully.
. True Masters are those who have chosen to make a life, rather than a living.
12. Worry is just about the worst form of mental activity there is—next to hate, which is deeply self destructive. Worry is pointless. It is wasted mental energy.
13. You can choose to be a person who has resulted simply from what has happened, or from what you've chosen to be and do about what has happened.
14. If you want abundance make abundance possible for another.
15. You should spend less time thinking what others think of you and more time thinking about who you are and what you are doing.

--originally posted on July 9, 2007

What Takes You Back?

2007-09-27T17:49:00.001-05:00

I was surfing the net this afternoon while the girls were resting and came across a message board where people were posting what their favorite cartoon was/is, so I thought I'd dedicate a blog to that topic today.

Here are a few of my personal favorites at the moment (and only b/c I have kids...what's your excuse?)
Dora the Explorer (why didn't they teach us Spanish when we were little kids...I'd be way better off for it now)
The Wonder Pets (the phone, the phone is ringing...the phone, i'll be right there)
Jack's Big Music Show (cool tunes for kids and adults...if you're open minded)
The Upside Down Show (2 crazy guys being silly all over the place...holds kids' attention and is the next best thing if you can't have a manny(google it).

But then I started thinking back to Saturdays when I was a kid. You know, the only time that cartoons were on and early in the morning, at that. If you slept in, you missed all the good ones. Here are some I'm sure you remember:

The California Raisins
Care Bears
DuckTales
Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
Fraggle Rock
The Littles
Pound Puppies
Rainbow Bright
Schoolhouse Rock (plug for author SQuire Rushnell (google him, too!)
Smurfs
Strawberry Shortcake
Super friends

Now, it's your turn....what cartoon did you wake up at the crack of dawn for?
--originally posted on June 19, 2007

Don't Stop Believing

2007-09-27T17:48:00.000-05:00

More radom thoughts I've been thinking this week......

1. How can there be so many different versions of the color white? We painted our kitchen and it looks amazingly better. I can't believe the transformation. We still have to finish up one wall and the ceiling and get our new dining table, but it is now a room that I actually WANT to be in instead of one I despise. Wanna come over for dinner?

2. Why *is* everyone so upset about the Sopranos finale? Final scene thoughts: Paul yelled at me b/c he thought I changed the channel. ..emo&:lol:-->..endemo--> At first I was mad. How could they just end it like that? But then, I started thinking about Bobby and Tony's discussion - you never see it coming. Makes sense. Then, I thought 'Chase really is brilliant.' He's always left his audience wanting more. He has never given them exactly what they wanted. Using any of the theories that the audience had would be too easy (T going to jail, T getting shot, tragic family ending). The finale was not any different. It was sort of like the audience got "hit." No one saw it coming.

The last thing I took from the finale was that they really played into the episode title "Made in America." At the end of the day, no matter what was going on (depression, anxiety, marital problems, careers, parenting, or Tony's "business"), the Sopranos were still an example of an American family. They ended the show in a diner eating onion rings and made sure we all saw the guy with the USA baseball cap on several times.

I would like to think that nothing big happened except that we were just severed from being a part of their lives anymore.

3. How can I like running now, at 30, when I hated it so much when I was younger? I actually *like* going. It gives me a time to meditate and focus. IT makes me feel stronger, energetic and happier. I've also included a weight workout and love it so much that I could dedicate a room in my house as a "workout" room and actually would use it. However, I'm not a big fan of the treadmill. I can't do it like other people. I have to feel like I'm "getting somewhere." There's something so rejuvinating about being outside for me.

4. ok. you knew i'd get to it. Paris. Why are we surprised? She's been acting as though she's entitled since she's been in the limelight. Society and the media continues to feed her ego by giving us never ending updates on her life. I cannot think of one positive thing that she's done using her stature. (correct me if I'm wrong) Personally, as a mom, I do not want her to be anywhere near my daughters (on tv or in person). Nor do I want anyone who chooses her as their "hero" or "rolemodel" to be around my girls. In this day and age, women should feel empowered by something other than their looks or their parent's money. Go out and DO something to better the world and then we'll talk, Paris.

5. Is it just me or does TV absolutely suck during the summer months? I can't even waste my time on network TV anymore besides for the 5 minutes of weather I get each day. National Bingo Night, Next Best Thing, America's Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, American Inventor.....I can't take it. Ok, so tell me if you're getting sucked into them and why? I might reconsider with your recommendation. As for now, I think I might open myself up and give Last Comic Standing a chance. I don't have high hopes, though.

--originally posted on June 12, 2007

What are your dreams?

2007-09-27T17:47:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I've blessed you all with a blog. Simply b/c I have been in a deep Harry depression. For those of you that don't know...this just means that to follow up on my HCJ blog is difficult. What can beat the blog I wrote about a dream coming true? Well, I've got the answer now----new dreams! ;)

Have I told you that I wanted to write a book? I've started several times, but never seem to be disciplined enough to really put my whole heart and soul in it. I also always seem to talk myself into the fact that no one would read the book much less publish it. Though, now my thoughts are really just being disciplined in finding the time to write.

Have I told you I want to go back to school? I would like to get my masters and become certified to be a teen counselor. It was something I always thought I could do, but teaching was really my first passion. Now that I've had several years experience with teens, I feel comfortable enough to possibly pursue this in the future.

Have I told you that I would also like to be certified to be a fitness instructor or trainer? Those that knew me in HS are probably laughing on the floor now , but after I had Madison I really became serious about working out and making a life change to be healthier. Now I love running and working out. Something about it is meditating for me and helps me focus and feel stronger - emotionally, spritually, and physically. I would like to run more 5K's and a marathon before I die.

Have I told you I would like to move to NY? The thought of this is so exciting to me. To just pick up and move somewhere new with new challenges, new people and new opportunities. When the girls get older and are in college or have families of their own, Paul and I would like to do this.

Have I told you I would like to attend a teaching workshop in CA called Freedom Writers? I'm sure many of you saw the movie, as did I. I think it was be a great experience. As a teacher, I love to gain different insight and perspectives on teaching methods. Many times I feel that my methods aren't truly understood b/c I don't do anything "textbook." Anyway...I'm going to be disciplined enough to fill out the application and send in my recommendation letter by the end of this week. Make me accountable!!!

Here is a list of dreams that have come true for me:

go to college ( I was the first one, ya know?)

become a teacher ( in a town other than my hometown)

teach HS

be more skilled than my teachers thought I could be

being the subject in someone else's book

meeting HCJ

I firmly believe and tell my students and my own children that dreaming is the key to living. People will laugh at your dreams; they'll make fun of you for them; they'll tell you that you cannot pursue them much less reach them; they'll try to get you to see the "reality" of them.

Above all else, remember...."Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determindation, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe." (Gail Devers)

What dreams have come true for you? (yes, this means I want you to share them here. now.)

--originally posted on June 12, 2007

Harry Connick Jr: amazing musician, entertainer, and person

2007-09-27T17:46:00.002-05:00

My experience last night at the HCJ show is indescribable. It was AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING! We arrived early and got to our seats. Every seat in the venue was a great seat, no kidding. (But next time, we're gonna be front and center, baby!) Now, there were people who were complaining about their seats, but I was more than grateful to even be there. I could bore some of you and go through his entire playlist, but I won't. He played for a solid hour and 50 minutes with no intermission and only a few conversation breaks. My favorite part of the show was watching Maddie's face light up as she watched him sing and play. She could not believe it was really HIM! Her favorite part was his "Jambalaya" performance and the "booty shake" with Lucien. My favorite part was the encore and his playing "drums" on the piano......

After the show we went to the "top-secret" place for the Meet and Greet; although not that "top-secret." I was embarrassed by the girls that stood in front of us for a few short minutes. They couldn't have been over 20 and were all giddy about getting pictures with him and whatever else they were dreaming up. I sort of laughed to myself b/c it was obvious that they were fans of "Will & Grace" and had been fans all of about 5 minutes it seemed. Anyway.....I chuckled again when they decided to leave their spot in line in order to be LAST......some plan they came up with after they found out that they COULD NOT take pictures with him and only could have one item signed per person.

Anyhoo......We waited for about 45 minutes after the show and he finally came out! He looked great in his jeans and t-shirt. I was estatic and become suddenly calm and collected when we got closer. I asked him a few questions, to which he politely replied and I said, "Thank you. It was nice meeting you." I made eye contact and everything! He was very gracious and genuinely appreciative of his fans.

The best part of the M&G was the time he "spent" with Madison. She, personally, got to talk to him a few minutes. He told her "You sure are beautiful" (in that voice and accent that makes me melt!) She politely thanked him and then they carried on a conversation about kids stuff that ended with a high-five.

It was simply an AMAZING experience that I know Maddie and I will both treasure.

--originally posted on May 12, 2007

Happy Mother's Day

2007-09-27T17:46:00.001-05:00

Even if you're not a mom, we can all be thankful for our own moms. No matter the past or present situation, our moms love each of us the best way that they know how. As I grow older and more significantly, after I became a mom, I begin to better understand the sacrifices that mom's give for their children. For my girls, I hope to teach them, guide them, and love them just as they need at the time and never try to overcompensate what I did or did not get.

This Mother's Day I acknowledge BOTH of my moms. Though, I do not know my birth mother, I remember what she did for me each and every day of my life, most especially on this Mother's Day. God willing maybe one day I'll get the chance to thank her for her decision and for loving me enough. And, though, I'm miles away from my adoptive mother, I'm thankful that she opened her heart up enough to have me in her life. So to everyone out there reading this: Happy Mother's Day!

Legacy of An Apdopted Child
Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

Wanting to Adopt? Pregnant?
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,
the age-old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different kinds of Love.

--originally posted on May 11, 2007

5 Weekly Thoughts from Tisha aka Tish, Mrs. D, TD

2007-09-27T17:45:00.002-05:00

1. Did you know that it only takes 3 business days to mail a video to the Harpo studios? ;)

2. Will the rain ever stop? Yes, I know we need it, but still, I'm just sayin'. My mint, cilantro, and rosemary - they're drowing at this very moment. :(

3. Avery's version of Happy Feet a.k.a. the "I'm a Penguin" video is my favorite laugh this week. :) Go check it out! I just uploaded it.

4. The Mavs. I'm speechless. Usually it's Paul who's writing about the Mav's woes. Today, I just wanna say: "Why? "

5. This week I have to go to the prom as a sponsor. If there was ever a reason to NOT be a teacher, this has to be it. (don't take this, personally---> you know who you are) I mean junior and senior year was bad enough....I now have to relive it every 4 years. *ginning and bearing it*

--originally posted on May 2, 2007

Do you want fries with that?

2007-09-27T17:45:00.001-05:00

I'm not really banking on many of you reading this, but my dear husband told me at 12:00 am last night that he missed my weekly Thursday ramblings. If you needed some coffee break material. . .here ya go!

1. Thank God You're Here makes me laugh that deep laugh that's suppose to heal you.

2. As a teacher, most of the time I'm not sure I'm doing anyone any good. This week I'm pretty sure I did something right in the last 9 months.

3. Telling people that you're thankful for something they do/did really does make you feel good. Try it now! Heck, try telling 3 people this week!

4. I will meet Harry Connick, Jr and quite possibly Oprah. When? Who knows? How? I have no idea, but "thinking makes it so."

5. I discovered this week that there really is a text messaging competition. Up for grabs was $25, 000. I knew they'd think of this in due time. What will be next? (seriously, tell me your ideas)

--originally posted on April 27, 2007

Weekly Ramblings

2007-09-27T17:44:00.001-05:00

1. What is the best Italian dish ever made?

2. Is birthday cake or wedding cake better? Why?

3. Should we teach The Bible in public schools? At what age? Should we also teach our children about other religious texts?

4. Do you check the Weather Channel at least once a week?

5. Who should we vote for on American Idol now that Sanjaya is finally gone?

--originally posted April 19, 2007

5 thought provoking questions of the week...

2007-09-27T17:43:00.001-05:00

1. Can you find reasons to be fascinated by a single blade of grass like Avery?
2. Can 2 people have a relationship that transcends all religious and political views?
3. Is Quentin Tarantino overrated?
4. If communication is so important, why do so many people avoid it?
5. I have to know….are YOU voting for Sanjaya? And if you aren't, WHO IS?
--originally posted on April 5, 2007

Thought of the Day

2007-09-27T17:42:00.001-05:00

You're inner conversations become your outer manifestations. Some people say "You are what you eat." I say "You are what you THINK." - Rev Run

So.....what are you thinking today?

--originally posted on April 2, 2007

Snack Idea

2007-09-27T17:41:00.002-05:00

I just discovered something delicious that I wanted to share with all of you! I had not heard of it until listening to the radio the other day. Nutella! It is FABULOUS! I've had it on bread, bagels, and most deliciously with fresh strawberries (and wine, too). If you're local market has it, you HAVE to try it! ;)

(*usually found on the jelly and peanut butter isle)

www.nutellausa.com

--originally posted on March 30, 2007

Ticketmaster.com dialogue :)

2007-09-27T17:41:00.001-05:00

If you STILL don't know who Harry Connick, Jr is, search for him on www.imdb.com or www.wikipedia.com - after a few minutes it'll all come back to you! ;)

Pre-sale tickets went on sale Friday and after a long drawn out drama with ticketmaster.com I finally got tickets. Maddie is going with me this time and we're selling the extra two to a co-worker and her husband. :) I'm just glad I don't have to wait until tomorrow when they go on sale to the public. :) The mere thought...ugh..... (*wink*). LOL!

The following scenario took place between the hours of 10:00 AM and 10:45 AM on March 23, 2007.

Scenario: Paul logs onto ticketmaster.com and tries to order tickets. It keeps saying that he needs the "target code." He calls me for "the code." I tell him I do not have the code, nor do I know where to get the code. I don't have "the code" b/c I didn't renew my fan club subscription. :( He says I should try to get the tickets b/c the computers at my school are much better than at his work.

Imagine me talking to myself in my classroom: What is the STUPID code? How will I find the STUPID code? Why didn't I just renew my fan club membership so I could know the CODE?! I'll search the Internet. Surely the CODE is online in some forum somewhere......after 4 different websites and no dice - I decided my best bet is to start typing in random words for the code and after a few trys and God's divine help - I FIGURED OUT THE SECRET CODE!!! :- )

Me: Ha! - to you Ticketmaster - you think you're so cool with your codes now. I'm in and I'm getting tickets now! Fanclub membership or NOT!

Me: 2 tickets best available, please.

Computer: Sorry no tickets available.

Me: Again. . . 2 tickets best available, please.

Computer: Sorry no tickets available.

Me: Fine, then - give me 4 tickets best available.

Computer: Retype this weird code that no one can ever really see

Me: Ok....

Computer: You will have 2 minutes to purchase the following tickets in section 102 (very front awesome tickets).

Me: Ok....I'll run over to the phone...call Paul...see what he thinks about getting 4. I can always sell the other 2.

Paul: Yes, get 4.

Me: Ok....I'll run back to the computer and push "continue transaction"

Computer: You have ran out of time to make a decision. The tickets in section 102 are no longer available!

Me: For the LOVE OF MANKIND, I just want really good tickets, again....2 of them....please.

Computer: There are no tickets available.

Me: FINE...GIVE ME 4 OF THEM AGAIN!

Computer: Retype this weird code that no one can ever really see

Me: Ok....

Computer: 4 tickets in section 306 (in the back) available.

Me: NO----I WANT THE GOOD ONES....Ugh...just give me 3 tickets this time...

Computer: Retype this weird code that no one can ever really see

Me: Ok....

Computer: 3 tickets available in section Balcony row HHH

Me: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Ok....give me 4 tickets in the center left section

Computer: Retype this weird code that no one can ever really see

Me: Ok....

Computer: 4 tickets available in section 205 row HH

Me: Awesome....give them to me.

Computer: You have 2 minutes to fill out this really long form or your tickets will no longer be available.

Me: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Fine...... *rushing to type with no errors and all correct info*

Computer: Congratulations! You're transaction is complete!

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I finally got tickets(4 - two are for me and Maddie and the other 2 are sold to my co-worker! Now, to come up with a plan to finally meet him! ;)

Harry Connick Jr, Sleeping Beauty, and Pacifiers....What do they all have in common?

2007-09-27T17:40:00.000-05:00

Nothing! I just thought I'd do a quick update and put them all on one blog

Avery's Addiction: Since a few of you have asked me how things are going - I thought I'd catch you up. Over spring break, we started cutting her paci a little each day. The day before we went back to school, she lost her purple paci and we thought it was over, but to no avail - we had to give her the green one. 2 weeks later, she's still got the green one close by. It looks horrid and is nothing short of the plastic handle, but her attachment to it is still present. She insists on having it for bed time and will ask to hold it when she's upset. My guess is by summer, she'll out grow it and find other things to fulfill that "need." :)

Theatre: We don't usually make a habit of going to theatre productions, mainly b/c the girls have been to young to sit through them. But my co-worker had tickets and couldn't attend so we were able to take the girls to the Dallas Children's Theatre production of Sleeping Beauty on Friday. It was, literally, in downtown Dallas and the girls enjoyed it so much! Avery was really into it and stayed on my lap for the entire show. We stayed to get the cast's autographs afterwards and enjoyed seeing all the tall skyscrapers up close. It was a fun night out minus the usual babysitter charge! ;)

Harry Connick, Jr: If you know me at all, then you know that I love, love, love Harry Connick, Jr. Thanks to my first official boyfriend, Nathanael Flores, for introducing me to such a talented artist. I've been listening to Harry since I was 16 years old. Living close to Lubbock, you'd think he'd have made his way there for a concert or two. (His wife is from Lubbock) Since moving to Dallas 7 years ago, he's been here once. Paul surprised me with tickets in Nov 2003. It was an amazing experience to hear him live after listening to his CD's over and over for so many years. He does the best version of Old Rugged Cross I've ever heard. Well, long story short.......by God's divine intervention, I scored some pretty good tickets on Friday morning (pre-sale only by "secret" code)!!!!! I am so psyched about going and cannot wait!!! If you're interested in my "dialogue" with the computer and ticketmaster.com I've posted it as a separate blog. :) And the countdown to the concert begins...... :)

--orginally posted on March 25, 2007

Scary Night

2007-09-27T17:39:00.002-05:00

--orginally posted March 2, 2007

Most of you know Maddie was sick earlier in the week and that Avery was sick yesterday. We were up about every hour with her: fever, vomiting, etc.

We spent most of the earlier morning hours in the ER after getting there by ambulance. Avery's fever spiked in an extremely short amount of time and she had a febrile seizure. I immediately called 911 not knowing what exactly could be causing all of her symptoms.

This, by far, has been the scariest thing we've experienced with her or Madison. There should not be any long term effects of this seizure and was probably caused by the fever which is more than likely caused by a virul infection.

She should be fine. She's on an antibiotic now, but the dr. said it could very possibly be a viral infection. Her blood count checked out fine, her x-rays were okay, urine didn't show anything, so they're still testing her blood, just in case. Our main goal is to tackle the fever before it has a chance to spike again.

If any of you are parents and have had this happend before or have knowledge of this occurance, please message me. Now that she's finally asleep, I can think a little more clearly and wanted to talk to someone who had experienced this first hand.

All comments welcome!!!

The Purest Addiction

2007-09-27T17:39:00.001-05:00

Well, here is accidental parenting at it's best. :) Avery is almost 21 months old ( 2 in April) and is what we like to call our " little addict." Her addiciton is worse than heroin and more satisfying that chocolate. She has been attached to her pacifier (pa-pac) since she was 3 months old. Our first mistake was believing that she would be as easy to parent as Madison. Madison was textbook - everything we did seemed to work. She was easy to reason with at an early age and could grasp ideas that we never thought possible. So, at 18 months, we cut the tip off the pacifier and said it broke and she moved on. No questions asked.

Avery is a different story. I write this after a full week sleepless nights (3-4 hours tops) and top-of-the-line continuous screaming. This truly is her comfort item, sort of like my Starbucks. :) We have read every book, message board and web site about weening a paci. We know all about the Pacifier Fairy, sending it up to heaven on a balloon for other babies (thanks, Stacy), cutting the tip, putting yucky stuff on it, shopping for a "big girl" present, introducing new security items, the walk in/walk out method, etc. We're tried most of it, only to have failed. She is a fighter and is not budging. Should we be surprised? Last night she begged for some Frank's Red Hot Sauce to dip her bread in.......and to our amazement she ate it all and asked for more!

Last night at 4 am, we gave in and gave her the infamous purple paci back. She finally went to sleep at 5...in our bed. During nap time, I took her paci out of her bed after she was asleep just to find her roaming around in her room for it 20 minutes later.....Mom and Dad 0, Avery 100 ---what is your prediction?

This has impacted our family so much that we're all stresse-out, tired crabby patties and are out of ideas. You may be laughing, but, seriously, until you've experienced this you have no idea! But we shall prevail! We're keeping on keeping on and hoping that before she's 2 she'll find something to substitute that security item with.

So what's your security item? And would you scream and stay awake until someone gave it back to you? :)

--orginally posted on January 6, 2007

Favorite New Present

2007-09-27T17:38:00.002-05:00

For those of you that have naturally curly hair, you know what a pain it is. Yes, those of you that don't might think it would be fun, but, trust me - I've wished for a day when I could get out of the shower and let my hair dry naturally and have it look great. For a year, I've debated spending the amount of money I would need to for a really good, professional straightener. But after the last few months of spending the majority of my morning in the bathroom battling my hair, I decided to use the money I had saved and some of the money I got for Christmas and buy a CHI straightener. What an amazing thing! It only took me 10 minutes (versus 25 minutes with the Target Revlon) to straighten my hair and it looks better than it does after a salon visit. :) Silky, smooth and completely straight. wow! I wish I'd bought one a long time ago!!!

So, my advice for 2007? Get a good straightener or buy one for someone you love. :) hee hee!

--orginally posted on January 2, 2007

Sausa Anyone?

2007-09-27T17:38:00.001-05:00

For some crazy reason our children delight in making up words of their own during this time we (universal) call the "terrible twos." Maddie's word was "toada." She used this word to refer to the indention right above one's lip. How observant at 2 years old? Realizing that there wasn't a descriptive word for that part of her body. :)

Now that Avery has entered this stage of her life, she has a word, too - sausa. Now for the normal adult this might be misinterepreted as "salsa." No chips needed for this! She's talking about wanting one of the following items: lotion, diaper cream, shampoo, conditioner, mousse, hair gel, pommade, chapstick or any other substance that goes on the body. At any given moment of the day, she scurries about on the lookout for "sausa." Anytime we're doing our hair - watch out! Bath time? She'll ask for it as long as it's visible.

This could be considered one of her first words. We remember it vivdly. We took her out of the bath and put her on her bed with her towel. As the diaper went on, she began saying it over and over. "sausa, sausa, sausa" Before we realized it, she had her entire hand deep into the Aquaphor container. Thus, the new word for 2006 - "Sausa!" Need any?

--orginally posted on December 9, 2006

Farewell

2007-09-27T17:37:00.000-05:00

Could it really be that long ago that I started kindergarten? I remember it like it was yesterday. Or that long ago that I was 18 just wishing my life would "start?" Why didn't I just know how to be "still" in my life and enjoy it?

Join me as I say goodbye to my twenties - I just finished my last meal before joining that new age group - "30+." lol! Paul made me his famous fried peanut butter and jelly. Yum! Will definitely be running extra mileage for that meal.

As I enter that unknown thing called middle-age, I wonder what all the fuss is about. I mean, seriously, will a light shine down on me at exactly 1 pm? Probably not. Will I have 10 more wrinkles than I did today? Fat chance. Will I break down crying during my 5th period Multimedia class. No, sir.

I'm not depressed or even sad as I get older. I'm actually pretty excited. And I'm alive! With each wrinkle and each gray hair (yes..I have them, trust me), I know that I've lived my life to the fullest. I don't have many regrets, but even with the few I have, I know that I've learned great lessons and become wiser. I also know that I'll make mistakes. It's certain, but as long as I'm always trying to find the real reason God has me on this earth, I'm sure He will continue to guide me along.

My advice to those growing older like me?

1. Eat well. Not necessarily a lot, but eat when you're hungry; don't eat when you're not. Do not deprive yourself from the good stuff, but make an effort to eat the healthy stuff, too. (EVOO is a good start!)

2.Keep moving! Whether it's with your work, with your children, with your family, by yourself or with friends.......e, move, move. I don't have a disciplined work out routine, but I know that if I don't work out 3-5 times a week, I'm not at my best, physically or mentally. Music always helps, too!

3. Keep Perspective! Remember to not "sweat the small stuff." Remember that with every struggle and trial there is a lesson to be found. Be open to the possiblity of change and the fact that others may never decide to - no matter how much you wish. :)

4. Love - remember to love even those that you're not so fond of. :) ( - I work on this one everyday.) Surround yourself with the things and people that make you smile and genuinely happy. What would I do without the girls' giggles and smiles or without Paul's crazy "dad jokes?"

So....happy birthday to all those turning 30 this year. Make it a year to remember!

--orginally posted on December 4, 2006

Snow Day

2007-09-27T17:36:00.000-05:00

Remember those days in high school when you wanted nothing more than for school to be cancelled so you wouldn't have to take that test or see that teacher that you wanted to avoid on a daily basis?

Well, for me I'm on the "other" end now and nothing has changed. I still find myself wishing for an unexpected day off during the winter months. I don't have to take the tests anymore, but give them; Now, there are both teachers and students that I'd rather not see at times. :)

Anytime you're in the metroplex and it snows, rains, sleets, etc, you can expect for most places to completely shut down. Safetly is always a concern. My theory is that people in the metroplex DO NOT know how to slow down no matter the weather conditions. :) These are the times I'm thankful for growing up in small W. Texas town with a dad that insisted that I learn how to drive in even the worse weather.

***Reminiscing Story***

December 13, 2000: Big ice storm. It took Paul 6 hours to get home, seriously. The trip is usually about 1 hour or less one way. My mom was visiting b/c I was nine months pregnant and in tears b/c I just KNEW Maddie had waited until the storm to make her appearance. A mother's instinct, I guess.....that night we were on our way to the hospital and the next day she was born! :) It took 1 1/2 hours to get to the hospital 30 minutes away!

***End of Reminiscing***

We've been home since 1:30 this afternoon and have a late start tomorrow. Hanging out in our pj's, watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate.....this is the stuff that makes the best memories!

We love snow (aka ice) days, don't you?

--orginally posted November 30, 2006

Full of Thanks

2007-09-27T17:35:00.002-05:00

As I reflect on the past year, I think about all that I'm thankful for and how humbled I am by all that I have.

Just this past weekend, Paul and I joined a new church family. It is such a great feeling to have an "anchor" in our lives. We are excited about the new opportunities that this church will give us as a family and excited about what we can give back. I signed up to volunteer in Avery's class twice a month. A huge committment for me b/c I love the worship service and I know I'll miss it. However, I know all the blessing from spending time with this fun age group! No matter where I am or what I"m doing there, I'm reminded where my focus should be and how I am not worthy of anything I have.

That brings me to my feeling of thankfulness today. As Thanksgiving approaches, I think of all that I really am thankful for right now. Yes, of course, all the big stuff: family, friends, house, car, food, breath, etc. But I"m thankful for all the small things, too, that are just as important in my life.

1. I'm thankful for myspace. Weird, I know, especially, coming from me. However, if I had not "joined the bandwagon" I would not have been able to reconnect with so many friends that I had remembered fondly. So . . that brings me to #2.

2. Reconnected relationships. To all of you that I've reconnected with: I'm thankful for being able to include you in my life now and share the joys and accomplishments, tears and frustrations with you again. I hope to be able to see you all again face to face. :) I've missed you!

3. Change. I am thankful for change. I always say "Change is the most constant thing in your life." Some people push it away, others embrace it. I usually welcome change into my life b/c I know that whatever comes my way, no matter how uncomfortable, will involve a lesson and a humbling experience that I can pass on to my students and children.

4. Reflection. I find it so important to find time to reflect on my life, my actions, my words, my past, my work, my mistakes. I know that doing this helps me to grow spiritually and mentally. Lately, I've reflected a lot on my past. I, honestly, do not remember a lot. Mainly the most painful stuff or the happiest moments. But as I reflect, I see how I can break certain cycles that exist in my family. I also see that with God I have strength to do more than I ever imagined.

5. Discipline. Discipline is hard and must come from within, which is what makes it hard - no one can make you be disciplined, you have to decide to put it inot action on your own. I have been working very hard on being disciplined with what I watch, listen to, and surround myself with on a minute-by-minute basis. A few weeks ago I decided to limited myself from TV: the news, entertainment news shows, my reality shows, basically, everything except for Oprah, Rachel Ray and Grey's Anatomy (not ready to let go of this one, yet.) I've also only been listening to a certain radio station or my own CD's and have worked on surrounding myself with those people at work that have positive attitudes. "Good stuff in, good stuff out." I've noticed that after a few weeks of doing this and being conscious of my surroundings I have been more positive, more faithful, more willing to be graceful, and more loving in my actions, words, and thoughts.

So, as this holiday season approaches, I continue to think of the small things that I'm thankful for and repetitively thank God for all of the things I'm not worthy of:

1. loving husband

2. my 2 beautiful girls

3. immediate and extended family

4. a job I love and enjoy

5. a house/ car

6. good health

7. church family

8. good friends---I mean the ones that stay by your side no matter what :)

9. good music---very healing at all times

10. life - it's good to be alive! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

What are you thankful for this year?

-orginally posted on November 21, 2006

I DID IT!

2007-09-27T17:35:00.001-05:00

After a lot of prayer, thought and consideration, I resigned as yearbook adviser today effective May 25, 2007. Met with my principal and gave him my official letter. I did not, initially, sign a contract that stated that my adviser job depended on my employment. However, he did tell me that I would possibly be teaching a few English classes next year. Not a problem; been there, done that. I'm also very open to the possibility of teaching with a different district if the opportunity arises. It's such an anxious feeling when you "let go" of something; a job, a loved one, a friend, etc. I also have feelings of "quitting." And I struggle with this because I never give up at anything, but in a sense, I feel I did with this. Even though I was sort of forced into the position, for 4 years producing the yearbook was my life. Working with those students, leading them to create an awesome book, teaching them customer service skills, design skills, marketing skills, and relationship skills. I cannot tell you the sweat, tears, and laughs that went into each of those 4 years. However, it definitely took time away from my other classes and students and most importantly my family. I never felt like I was giving anyone the best of me or had enough of myself to go around, especially at the end of the day. I love my work, but I love my family more. I am thankful for Paul for putting up with all the phone calls, extra hours, babysitting the girls, going to events, and listening to me vent each and every day. And so....here's to new challenges and more time with Paul, Madison and Avery!<

--orginally posted on November 16, 2006

Saturday Busy-ness

2007-09-27T17:32:00.000-05:00

I'm still trying to learn this blog thing, so I thought I'd try it. . .

Does anyone else feel that even though it's the weekend, you're just as busy as during the week, if not more? We have dance class on Sat mornings and then have to add b-day parties and other events to the rest of our schedule for the day. It seems as though we barely have time to breathe before the next scheduled event. Ok, so it doesn't happen every weekend, but it seems that with the holidays we tend to have more stuff to do and not a lot of time to get it done.
Then, I turn around and it's Sunday night again.

--orginally posted on October 28, 2006

Thoughts by Tisha D

How Are You?

Presents or Presence?

Life Happens

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

A World of Her

Arms and Legs

Getting Grounded

Your Last Day.....

I'm Fat.

Big Kids See Police

Stop and Smell the Roses

Bloggity-Blog

Lost

Three is the Magic Number

Who's Weight Is This?

Who Have You Seen Lately?

Space to Grow

Is Girl Your Favorite Word, Too?

I'm Good!

Overweight Tisha vs. Skinny Tisha

Gratitude Generates Greatness

Pictures!

Whoa!

Rainy Days

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Friends through Good and Bad......

Small Powerful Words of Wisdom

We should all be able to take a day....

Greater Power

Your Own Way

I Must Be Crazy

Life is a Flower

Blah, Blah, Blah

Going Back To School

Popsicles are my "Can't Live Without" Item

I'm Just Saying....

What MySpace Has Taught Me....

Five Times 5

Tooth Fairy Part Duex

"I've Got A Loose Tooth.....

The Pond Route or the Weeds Route?

Party like a Rockstar

Highlights of 2007

Feeling Complacent?

No Regrets

Celebrating "Real" Life

Never-ending Love

Choose, Trust, Do

A Freedom Writers Christmas Surprise

Christmas Lights Up The Season

Holidays with Family

My Peace

Letting Go of Understanding

A Nightmare before Halloween

Mourning and Never-ending Remembrance

What is Motivation?

Cowboys Anyone?

Shine On!

Music and Memories

Today's Thoughts

What Takes You Back?

Don't Stop Believing

What are your dreams?

Harry Connick Jr: amazing musician, entertainer, and person

Happy Mother's Day

5 Weekly Thoughts from Tisha aka Tish, Mrs. D, TD

Do you want fries with that?

Weekly Ramblings

Top 5 Questions to Ponder this week....

5 thought provoking questions of the week...

Thought of the Day

Snack Idea

Ticketmaster.com dialogue :)

Harry Connick Jr, Sleeping Beauty, and Pacifiers....What do they all have in common?

Scary Night

The Purest Addiction

Favorite New Present

Sausa Anyone?

Farewell