No Regrets

I have never been one to keep up with my resolutions. They seem so drastic and absolute. Resolutions always seem to make me feel more like an absolute failure.
So, at the beginning of every year I come up with things that I'd like to achieve: not lose weight but get healthy; I always seem to give my goal a positive twist, much like I do everything and everyone else that I encounter.

This year I've decided to share with you a few of the small goals I have given myself for '08. Of course, I have big goals, just like you do: work out 5 times a week; no soda; be an ambassador of something; see HCJ in concert once during the year; complete more of my book; find my birth parents.
Although, I think the small goals we set for ourselves are just as important. They teach us to live a little - to just let go and do things just a bit differently, which is more difficult the older we get.

So, here's my list of things I've either never done or haven't done in quite some time. Hold me to it, you wonderful blog subscribers:

1.To read The Grapes of Wrath (not sure how I missed that one)
2.Update my resume.
3.Make homemade sushi.
4.Go to a movie alone. (done. tonight. PS. I Love You)
5. Write one letter and mail it out once a month. (any electronic device not allowed)
6.Dress up for Halloween.(with a real costume)
7. Watch all of The Godfather movies.
8. Eat alone in a sit-down/waiter(ess) restaurant.
9.Complete one NY Times crossword puzzle.
10. Go an entire week without tv or computer privileges.
11. Play a game of pool with someone besides the computer.
12. Take a random trip somewhere I've never been.

And if you decide to make your own list, please remember to share it with me! :)

Celebrating "Real" Life

On Thursday, Paul and I will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. I will tell you, first, how incredibly blessed I am to have him in my life. I know, without a doubt, that he will go above and beyond for me and the girls. That alone is such a testament of his love.

However, I will not paint the "perfect" picture with my words. We are what we are. A married couple like many couples out there. We are stressed, always out of money, trying to keep up with busy schedules, frustrated with each other when we don't see eye to eye, tired after long days at work, unmotivated to do chores, and are always trying to find ways to spend more time together without 2 little girls always running around squealing. More often than not, we've forgotten how blissful and romantic a relationship can be.

In church on Sunday, our teacher was teaching on complacency. One of the things he mentioned was how husbands and wives should keep God first and each other 2nd and kids 3rd. It was not the first time I've heard that statement. A telephone interview several years ago with author SQuire Rushnell seemed to relay that same idea. He said, "To have and to hold" means to hold each other up and to keep God in the middle at all times."

As a mom, it is incredibly difficult for me to "put my kids 3rd." But the truth of the matter, is that Paul and I have learned the hard way: if we do not carve out time for us, then we are no good for the girls or each other. Our relationship is what started our family and if we do not invest time to maintain and show each other how important we are to one another, we will crumble. I can, honestly, tell you that there was a time in our lives where we both didn't think we'd make it through. It took a great valley for us to reorganize our priorities.

I think in this day and age many people are always trying to have something better than the person next to them. Are we not on a constant basis judging ourselves? .....we need a better car....a bigger house......more clothes.......a better birthday party......a marriage like "theirs".....

There are even times that we think that all of those things will magically fix our problems or problematic relationships. However, after a few years of diving deep into our relationship and learning about each of our pasts, tendencies, likes, needs, and wants, I've learned that whatever issues I have will always be present no matter who I am with unless I actually take accountability and begin working on those issues head on. The same for Paul and as he and I have discussed - most likely the same for everyone. Nothing material can change your issues. Nothing material will ever love you back. Nothing material can ever bring you as much joy as you can have helping someone else. Nothing material can ever take the place of a person.

So, today I celebrate our real, raw marriage and remember all the things I love about Paul; all the things that I fell in love with and all the new things I've discovered:

He'd rather listen to slow, sad music than fast, crazy music.

He can always make fun of the newscasters/weathermen at the drop of a hat.

He enjoys the first 30 minutes with his girls most after he gets home from work.

His body jerks when he's falling asleep.

He can calm me or the girls with the sweep of one hand.

He'd rather have pie for his birthday than cake.

He hates eggs but loves French toast.

His favorite Christmas movie is It's a Wonderful Life.

He can debate any philosophical issue at 6 am, but has a difficult time talking about anything after 9 pm.

His mood is always based on the Cowboys' win/loss.

He can write poetry in a matter of minutes.

He will never, ever, ever eat any vegetable except tomatoes.

He always buys gum during every visit to the store.

He has many talents, gifts and strengths that he's not even yet began to see in himself.

Happy Anniversary, Paul. We've come a long way since that cold, snowy December night.

love,
your "sassy" girl

Never-ending Love

I wish I had the words
To heal your broken spirit
I do not
What I have is a feeling
The kind that is unexplainable
And only known by those who've lost
As we have loved and lost
To lay those dreams and hopes to rest
is as painful as saying goodbye

I wish I had the words
To heal your broken heart
I do not
What I have is an outpouring
of Love for you all
A love that is only known by those who've lost
As we have lost and loved
My wish for you is to cherish and honor
And to never forget that love

tisha j. davenport (C) 2007

Choose, Trust, Do

Well, today has been an odd day for me. First thing this morning as I was driving to work, I continued to hear that little intuitive voice inside tell me "Tisha, take Friday off. You need it or you'll be stressed like always. Tisha, take Friday off. Tisha, take Friday off." My voice of reason and logic, which wins out most of the time said, "No. You need to be at school. You've already missed too much time in the past few weeks."

This time, however, my intuition won. Woot!

I'm taking Friday off and taking a personal day. I always get so stressed during December since we have so many things going on (my birthday, Maddie's birthday, our anniversary, Christmas) and throw in the mix a few other events and travel and I'm spent! We have a full schedule from now until December 29.

We've planned a surprise birthday party for Madison. We've invited 3 of her close friends. We're doing cupcakes and celebration at the mall food court and then taking them all ice skating. She has no idea! I'm so thrilled that we've all kept this secret from her for almost a month. I plan to use Friday to bake and decorate cupcakes, surprise her at school and eat lunch with her (something my schedule never allows) and I will also be catching up on my grading. (*tear*)

So, bottom line: I trusted my intutition. I think we should all do this more often. Listening to our voices within is something that is not heard by accident and shouldn't be pushed aside like yesterday's Britney Spears drama. I'm guilty of this, too, and I'm trying to be more intuitive and less logical and take more time for myself.

Moving on.....

I've been thinking a lot about my blogs and have decided that I only wait and post the "good stuff." I have been guessing that probably most of my "blog audience" must think one of the following: 1. I write for them 2. I have a "perfect" life

Unfortunately, neither of the above options are true. I have started writing more because I decided I would never reach the goal of writing a book unless I practiced the craft.

Secondly, I do not have a "perfect" life. Is there really any such thing? I honestly do not believe there is a "perfect _(insert any word here)__"( e.g. marriage, person, life, job, family). Would you really want me to let you in on all the not-so-perfect stuff? Trust me, there is not-so-perfect stuff. However, at a very young age I watched someone in my life recognize and acknowledge most often the negative side of things and people. At some random moment back then, I chose that for the rest of my life, no matter what was going on, I would always do my best to see the best in everything: in a situation, in another person, in myself.

Is it possible to have a perfect moment? Most definitely. We can all think back to a perfect moment. It seems there is less time for error with a moment. I think we all need to remember those perfect moments because our memory of those perfect moments always makes them more perfect. :)

A Freedom Writers Christmas Surprise

Have you ever had a time in your life when you just knew something was going to happen, but you didn't know how or when?

For me there have been many of those times including but not limited to graduating from college, my first teaching job, getting married, being in a book, meeting HCJ. Now your first thought may be "Yes, Tisha, we already know all this stuff. Move on."

What you don't know is that I believe this quote and live by it each day: "What we think, we become." - Joseph Campbell

I do believe that what we think, say or do will manifest into and become our lives and our legacy. So, each day I try to live life to the fullest, I try to take advantage of all the opportunities available, I try to do my best and leave a postive, lasting impression on everyone I meet or encounter. It's not always easy and there are days when I get frustrated and feel like giving up just like everyone else. There are many things I've tried that have failed, but I always get up and try again - a different way.

One of the things I've tried in the last few months was to enroll in a Freedom Writers Institute session. After watching the movie with Hilary Swank, I was inspired to become a better teacher and learn new techniques and where better to do that than in California? I filled out the paper work, wrote the essays, gathered recommendation letters, and sent my application to Long Beach, CA. Months have passed and I'd actually given up hope. I had the movie Tivo'd and recently deleted it because I was tired of feeling like I wasn't "good enough."

But tonight, on a whim, I decided to go check the mail. Something I do sporadically and should be more disciplined with each day. I found an extra key in our box and came to the premature conclusion that someone had sent Maddie an early birthday present. When I pulled out the envelope, I wasn't prepared for what I saw. I was holding a book The Freedom Writers Diary by Erin Gruwell. I've seen the book many times at Barnes and Noble, but never buy it because I always conclude - "I don't have time."

Inserted neatly into the book by one fold, was a letter:
Dear Tisha........Thank you so much for your interest.... Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that all of our sessions for 2007 are full. Your application will carry over for the 2008 sessions next year. As an appreciation for your support and dedication to the classroom, please find the enclosed personalized copy of The Freedom Writers Diary. Kindest Regards, Erin Gruwell

Inside the front cover: Dear Tisha, Teach one to teach another. Erin Gruwell

I was speechless! I had anticipated that my denied application would cause me to feel sad, depressed, not enough, and I would just stop trying to seek bigger and better things. On the contrary, my reaction was full of thanks, inspiration, and determination. Someone actually took the time (and Erin Gruwell, no less) to write in a book and send it to me. It is a reminder for me to not give up on my dreams, goals, and aspirations no matter my age, my place in life, or what others tell me.

So, you may leave here thinking, "It's just a book." But for me it is a reminder of this: "The only plan you should make in life, is the plan to be surprised." (Dan in Real Life - thanks, Tonya!)

Christmas Lights Up The Season

My favorite thing about November and December (besides mine and Maddie's birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas) is the feeling I have for those 6-8 weeks. There is something cozy about the glow of the Christmas tree and decor, something soothing about the Christmas music playing in the stores and something friendly about (almost) everyone you meet.

A few of our traditions include peppermint bark candy, chocolate cherry fudge, fried turkey, chinese food on Christmas Eve with A Christmas Story, and always on December 1st Santa's Magic Elves arrive at our house and move around each night getting into mischief (taking the car for a spin, eating snacks, watching movies, playing cards, making snow angels out of the sugar). We started these traditions as a young family, but now that the girls are older they are the ones to remind me of what we're suppose to do and when.

This year we've added a few traditions to our holiday. One of those being loading up in the car, driving to Plano and driving around with what seems like the rest of the Plano/Frisco residents to look at lights. There is a particular housing development where every house has lights displayed. I've heard if they do not have lights, they pay a fine. (see links below for display and official site)

So, as we were driving along, I noticed that with it being in the 70's and 80's all cars were able to drive with their windows rolled down and kids hanging out the windows. Most of the kids were singing or yelling "Merry Christmas." Our girls were no exception. They giggled in delight as we drove slowly down the streets. Avery yelled "Oh my gosh! Is this were we're going?!" Maddie got so excited when she saw pink or purple lights. There were displays of nativity scenes, disney characters, Hanukkah, even trees that were made to look like candy canes. Every adult we passed: walking or driving, had smiles on their faces. People were out on their lawns waving and greeting all the neighborhood visitors.

That's when I realized something. Put an abundance of lights anywhere at anytime of year and people of all ages become kids again with that holiday delight, genuine cheer and heartfelt smiles. The lights seem to light up something in our hearts and spirits; a memory or a feeling.

So, if you haven't already - find a place you can drive or walk and take in the lights of the season. Then, have some hot chocolate or apple cider and cuddle up with those you love for a favorite holiday movie. (ours is Elf!)

Happy Holidays! Love to you all!

Official Website:
http://www.deerfieldplano.org/

WFAA video:
http://www.wfaa.com/video/wfaageneral-index.html?nvid=192368&shu=1

Holidays with Family

Just thought I'd share this with you. I have had feelings of anxiety while preparing for visits with family this holiday season and while it would be much easier to stay home and just enjoy my own family, the message below seemed to reimpress upon me that all situations are meant to help us become better people and that even with the drama that family sometimes presents us during the holidays, we can remember where we came from and use that to keep ourselves grounded.

Happy Holidays!!



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Built Upon the Past
As the holidays approach, you may be preparing yourself to gather with family members you don't usually spend time visiting. You may even feel that you are choosing to meet more from a sense of obligation than celebration. But when we trust that we are always exactly where we need to be, we know that we have been placed in our families for some higher purpose: to help you learn certain lessons, or to give you the experiences necessary to overcome specific challenges. And when we feel we've moved away from situations that don't resemble us or the life we choose to live, it can seem frustrating to put ourselves back into an old scenario. But even a sense of obligation is a sign that you are still connected to your family, and for that alone it is worth investing yourself into making the most of any gathering.

Once surrounded by people from your past, you may find that you are feeling challenged by a sort of identity crisis. There is likely to be a gap between the person you know yourself to be now and how you are seen by those who knew you before.

Being in situations that we might not choose for ourselves allows us to see ourselves in a new light. The contrast helps us to see our own strengths and weaknesses, and to learn to accept others for theirs.

Part of the magic of family is the way in which it bonds diverse people together, allowing them to function as a complete unit. Who we are today has been built upon our past. If nothing else, rejoining with the family and friends who knew us in our earlier days allows us to recall where we came from so that we can appreciate all that we've been given.