Gratitude Generates Greatness

Today, I find myself sitting at my dining room table by myself in silence. I'm so thankful for the time to sit with myself and with nothing going on around me. I hear the clock ticking and the birds chirping and the light sound of my fingers touching the keyboard. Later, I found myself at Starbucks (alone) in silence, breathing, listening, breathing, watching, breathing, sitting. I am finally learning the art of being present; being "still," if you will.

I've finished my reading of A New Earth. I am ready to re-read it because each time I pick it up to refer back to a quote or a chapter, I take something new from the reading. This book, in addition to many other books, has helped me to re-shape my life, my thoughts, my attitudes. No matter your religion or beliefs, this book is more than those labels; more than those words. It transcends all of those stereotypes and points to the truth of living and being in the present moment at all times. This, in turn, allows my relationships to prosper, my friendships to prosper, enhances all the contacts that I have with people and allows me to become closer to those that I love. I'm beginning to believe that our attitude, our sense of awareness in turn generates a sense of peace in our lives and with our interactions with other people. Those people will pick up our energy before they will "buy into" our words.

An example of this is my ongoing battle with Avery's eating, potty training, or sleeping habits. When I'm reactive, angry, upset with her when she's screaming, or resisting, she just screams later and more often and resists more. I've learned that when I react to her with that negative energy she returns it back to me 10 fold. I think that we all have found ourselves in this encounter with our children, our family, or maybe our co-workers.

I reflect back to my interview for my new position. They asked me "What makes you different from the other candidates? Why do you stand out?" My answer was encircled around my already mentioned technology experience, but I added that my attitude is one thing that makes me stand out. I've had many things happen in my lifetime and many people would have thrown in the towel and taken the other road. I decided to keep my attitude of gratitude and lift myself higher. Attitude is everything.

When push comes to shove I can usually find something good about a situation. My reading of A New Earth just reinforced that thought process and pushed me to a little higher level as far as my awareness. I'm more aware now of what I say to others, what I ask, what I do, how I go about doing it, what's making me unhappy, what's making my body act crazy. I've become more aware of other things, too. I rethink the things I'm putting into my body and listening to it more than ever. If my gut says that XYZ aren't good for me, then I find another alternative, food, medicine, or method. I didn't always do this and have decided that for the most part I have done XYZ because that is what I was taught, what I watched, or what I believed was the "only way." I simply have been following the "crowd" instead of thinking on my own or trusting my instinct.

So, here I am now, a little more aware, a little more peaceful, and a lot more "still."

Pictures!

After the Haircut


Happy Easter!


Father-Daughter 2008



YUCK!



Picture Day



Our First Outing Just the 2 of Us (before the haircut)



Elmo 2008



Beauty

Whoa!

What is going on with me lately? One minute I'm a content HS teacher and the next I'm throwing fear overboard and doing all sorts of crazy things. First a new job, now a new cut.

I cut my hair. Normally, this wouldn't be a very big deal for me. In my younger days, I always was proud of the fact that I was fearless and would try new hairstyles every few months.

As I've gotten into my 30's, I have found that I feel more comfortable and secure with my longer locks. But then yesterday I really started evaluating my reasoning for this and came the the conclusion that I have been hiding behind my hair and the fear of branching out.

So, this morning I took the leap and cut all my hair off. Well, not all of it, but most of it. Eeek! I feel naked and as though my identity has been taken away. :)

Truthfully, I'm not identified by my hair, my looks, my car, my job, my house, or anything else for that matter. Just like everyone, it's easy to fall into those labels and just get attached to them.

I realize, though, that all of those things are just the outer part and a small portion of my true being.

I am so much more than my hair. :)

Rainy Days

Today brought about silly moods, remembrance of childhood, new memories and a new tile floor!

We are enjoying our break from school this week and I'm making a promise to you all that I will get some new pics up from our Elmo show, the father-daughter dance, and mine and Maddie's fun at the Dollar Store. :)

Yesterday ,the girls and I set out for a trip to the book store and the library. Madison and Avery watched Nancy Drew on DVD the other day and it sparked up conversation of the mystery series of books that I use to read back in "the day." (The Babysitter Club, The Boxcar Children)

We had a nice time looking for the perfect book for her and Avery. Then, we pulled into Wendy's for nuggets and salad and decided to take advantage of the nice day (before the rain) and use the cute little tables at the Frisco library. Fun!

After we found a bag full of books and successfully mastered to self check-out we headed for home and took NAPS! :) This is great excitement for me, because I so rarely get to take advantage of extra time sleeping.

This morning we woke up early to thunderstorms. We were lucky enough to get rain all day. Not so bad, except that the tile work crew showed up at 10 and didn't leave until 7 pm. We couldn't leave and only had a few rooms to hang out in. However, the new tile looks magnificent and we're so glad we had it done, finally. I'm pretty certain the old tile was original with the building of the house and in BAD shape. Tomorrow morning we'll be able to shower and step out onto some nice, cold tile instead of old, torn, linoleum.

When Paul arrived home from work, Madison and I quickly assessed the situation and decided we needed to leave for an outing. We were all getting cranky from being inside in the same room all day. ;) So we jumped in the Jeep with our flip flops and took a trip to the post office! We then decided to branch out and go to the Dollar Store. We spent a good 30 minutes checking out all the fun, new items. One special treasure we found was a candle. "Campbell's Soup Tomato" candle. I took a whiff and then decided I must've thrown up in my mouth a little. YUCK! I took pictures b/c I knew no one would believe that this was something that was actually up for sale. (I'll post later as evidence)

We then moved on to our local grocery store to look for a highlighter/post it pen. No luck. We ended up with Peanuts band-aides instead.

Our last stop was the Shell. We needed to use the bathroom and get some gum before heading home. By this time Madison was way over the top in her giggly mood and I realized I'd succeeded at making a usually boring outing fun. *sigh* We only spent $10, but made a lifelong memory together.

Maddie confirmed this, "Mom, I like the way you think."

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Last week, I began working on a "project." An opportunity presented itself for me to apply for a position with my current school district for a newly created position. The position would be for the Elementary Technology Specialist. This person would be available to teach professional development, help teachers implement the newly learned technology in their classes, and attend conferences to learn more about technology and what our schools might need. I wrestled with the decision to apply or not, but after discussing it with Paul and the girls, went ahead and sent in my resume and application letter. The 2nd step in the process was to create an example lesson to present and answer a series of questions during an interview. I put a lot of work and thought into the lesson and have been working on it a lot the past week.

I enjoy teaching so very, very much, but I'm excited about the opportunity to expand my knowledge in the technology field.

I interviewed on Tuesday with my own principal, Mr. Oldham, and the other 4 principals in the district, as well as the technology director and the curriculum director.

Yesterday, Mr. Oldham, came by and offered me the position. I accepted. I will be working at the Elementary 1/2 the time and will still be teaching one class at the new high school next year: a video technology and broadcasting class.

Not teaching full time is bittersweet for me. The students have enriched my life in ways they will never, ever know. This has been a difficult week for me in a sense because they are signing up for 08-09 classes in my English classes. I've already shed some tears, and hugs, but have also shared moments of joy with them, as well. They, too, are my family. :)

It's definitely a win-win for me. I am able to still work with my high school family and mentors, still have contact with students in class, and will be able to expand my technology knowledge and use my CIS degree in a much different way.

I'm incredibly nervous and scared about this new position, but I know that doors open and others close for many reasons that are never immediately known to us. Here's to new challenges and new opportunities!

"Change is the most constant thing about life."

Friends through Good and Bad......

Without our friends, we would be hard pressed to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow. On the other hand, when we include our friends in the full story of our life—the good, the bad, and the ugly—we build authentic relationships in which we can be who we truly are. When we do this, we invite our friends to bring their whole selves to the relationship as well.

I thought this was especially appropriate for me today, as I have a sick girl at home, am preparing for 2 major projects this week that could determine my next few years and still trying to keep up with home renovations and school lessons.

Thanks again Kim and Jen for being such a great blessing in my life and my family's life during ALL times. Big Love! Here's to you both, as well as all the other people out there who've lent an ear, a hand, and a brain when I was losing mine!

Small Powerful Words of Wisdom

"Your heart tells you where you need to go."

On the way home from school today, Madison said, "Mom, I thought of something today. Your heart tells you where you need to go."

I thought about it for a second and realized that her thought seemed to align up perfectly with what I'm reading in A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. This book has far outweighed the expectations of Oprah and Tolle. I was one of the people who tuned in Monday night for the first world-wide Internet class and I have to say that being able to hear so many different perspectives was a powerful thing. So many people are gaining more insight about themselves and yet there are others who are not convinced that Tolle's book is in alignment with their beliefs. My experience with the book is that it is a gift to myself and to all the relationships I have in my life. It has helped me better to see my negative qualities in a more constructive light and it has given me an inner motivation that I've never before witnessed in myself.

What I'm learning is that religion and spirituality are not the same thing. We are not our beliefs. We can believe many things that probably will differ from others, but we will never be truly defined by what we believe. For example, people can attend church every time the door is open. That act alone does not make them "spiritual." Many times the people I see/know at church are trying so hard to "act" like a Christian, but mostly their actions and words come across as judgment or superiority. I've attended several churches in my life of several different denominations and I've found this to be true of all of them as institutions. Their beliefs definitely do not align with their actions, thoughts, or words. To clarify, I do not mean that all people give off this energy, but many do.


In order to truly follow your heart, I believe that you have to find your peace. Yours is different than mine and mine different than the next persons. Someone asked me the other day: "How exactly do you find peace? Does it just come to you?"

I think if you continually seek it out, it will be harder to attain. Usually peace comes to you through some difficult time in your life. Here's one interpretation of being at peace: Being at peach with ourselves is not about denying or rejecting any part of ourselves. On the contrary, in order to be at peace we must be willing and able to hold ourselves, in all our complexity, in a full embrace that excludes nothing. This is perhaps the most difficult part for many of us, because we want so much to disown the negative aspects of our humanity.

My thought is that if people would follow their hearts, their souls, their peace, then they would be able to move through life (with life) and appreciate their moments, their relationships, their characteristics, their loved ones, their life, and themselves.

We should all be able to take a day....

and be overwhelmed and cry and sit in acknowledgment of being mentally tired, right?

Well, today was my day. I have so much on my plate right now and had to take a day to acknowledge that fact, take a step back, breathe, and take one thing at a time. Granted, I found myself sitting in the laundry room, folding towels, but in that moment I accepted my frustration and let myself work through it. I'm not physically tired. I could run 5 miles if I had to. I'm mentally tired. Tired of the constant inner struggle with myself about what is a priority and what should be a priority. Someone close to me says that all I don't have a list of priorities - all of my priorities are #1 and #2-#10 are left blank. Very insightful.

I, honestly, did not know how difficult it would be to be a working mom. My mom, for the most part, was home with me for my entire life. She did work when I was younger, but I don't remember it at all. There are days that I feel as though I'm surrounded by people who aren't having this same struggle. Isn't the feeling of understanding all we want as a human beings when we find ourself in great distress? The feeling of being alone with no one around in our same situation is frustrating. Much of the aloneness comes from within.

Today, I just wanted someone to understand. Paul has a difficult time understanding what I'm saying because he thinks of things in a different way; he probably thinks of things in the typical "guy" way. I feel I have to have my A-game on at all times either as wife/parent or teacher. I feel that when I'm at home, work is pulling me away and when I'm at work, home stuff is pulling me away. There's one day a week that I am able to put school aside and not think about it. The past two Saturdays, though, have been full of things that need to be done so that I will have free time on Sundays. Therefore, it's finally catching up with me.

I know myself well enough to know that February/March are the months when I feel the most spent. This year is no different and with a few more responsibilities on my plate than usual, I'm extra stressed. I can see that in 10 more weekdays I'll be ready for sleeping in and a few pajama days with the girls.

Until then, I will continue to clear my mind in all possible ways, stay focused on one thing at a time, and remember this: I will not be lost in my mind. I will rather root myself in being.