We should all be able to take a day....

and be overwhelmed and cry and sit in acknowledgment of being mentally tired, right?

Well, today was my day. I have so much on my plate right now and had to take a day to acknowledge that fact, take a step back, breathe, and take one thing at a time. Granted, I found myself sitting in the laundry room, folding towels, but in that moment I accepted my frustration and let myself work through it. I'm not physically tired. I could run 5 miles if I had to. I'm mentally tired. Tired of the constant inner struggle with myself about what is a priority and what should be a priority. Someone close to me says that all I don't have a list of priorities - all of my priorities are #1 and #2-#10 are left blank. Very insightful.

I, honestly, did not know how difficult it would be to be a working mom. My mom, for the most part, was home with me for my entire life. She did work when I was younger, but I don't remember it at all. There are days that I feel as though I'm surrounded by people who aren't having this same struggle. Isn't the feeling of understanding all we want as a human beings when we find ourself in great distress? The feeling of being alone with no one around in our same situation is frustrating. Much of the aloneness comes from within.

Today, I just wanted someone to understand. Paul has a difficult time understanding what I'm saying because he thinks of things in a different way; he probably thinks of things in the typical "guy" way. I feel I have to have my A-game on at all times either as wife/parent or teacher. I feel that when I'm at home, work is pulling me away and when I'm at work, home stuff is pulling me away. There's one day a week that I am able to put school aside and not think about it. The past two Saturdays, though, have been full of things that need to be done so that I will have free time on Sundays. Therefore, it's finally catching up with me.

I know myself well enough to know that February/March are the months when I feel the most spent. This year is no different and with a few more responsibilities on my plate than usual, I'm extra stressed. I can see that in 10 more weekdays I'll be ready for sleeping in and a few pajama days with the girls.

Until then, I will continue to clear my mind in all possible ways, stay focused on one thing at a time, and remember this: I will not be lost in my mind. I will rather root myself in being.